Unchained Malady

The other day we listed some of the physical troubles that will befall characters on the new “Family Medical Center” (KTTV, 11:30 a.m. daily).

Because you’re, uh, dying for more, here are some maladies scheduled for shooting this week:

Lupus and bezoar. In the latter plot, Joanie chews nervously on her pretty long hair. She comes up with this gastrointestinal obstruction--which turns out to be a hairball! (“After surgery and a haircut, she is feeling much better,” says the casting call sheet.)

Cocaine addiction and “lady mustache.”

Myasthenia and “fraternity prank.” In the latter, Troy turns very pink. Turns out that his pals put pink food coloring in his shower.

Schizophrenia and bubonic plague.

Herniated disc and smashed fingernail.

Sickle cell anemia and “carrot anemia.” In the latter, Ellen, hard working but a little neurotic, turns yellow. Turns out she drank too much carrot juice!