Mothers of AIDS Victims Join Together to Comfort One Another

Every first and third Tuesday of the month, they gather at the hospital gazebo to seek comfort, to talk and to confide in others like themselves.

They belong to Mothers of AIDS Patients (MAP), a support group in Whittier for mothers of those who have died of or have been found to have AIDS or AIDS-related complex.

“People in this group will not turn them away,” said Patricia A. Poynter, a registered nurse and one of the organizers.

“When you have a son like that, you can’t discuss it with everybody,” said Doris, 70, whose 48-year-old son has AIDS. She asked that only her first name be used. “Some accept it, some don’t,” she added.

‘You Share Your Hurt’

Said Mildred, 70: “You share your burden, you share your hurt, your frustrations. That helps you to get hold of it, and I think that’s the value of this group. . . . The more you talk about it, it eases the hurt inside.”

Mildred’s son died in August. He was 46.

Formed in September, the group is patterned after the first MAP in San Diego. Organizers believe the group is the first in Whittier aimed at helping relatives of AIDS patients, specifically mothers.

The group’s name was chosen because mothers usually care for those afflicted with the disease, said Barbara Peabody, the 55-year-old co-founder of the San Diego organization.

“It is a time of extreme pain and stress as they get sicker and you feel more and more helpless, frustrated and useless,” said Peabody, who wrote about caring for her son in a book entitled, “The Screaming Room.”

Social Worker Attends

The Whittier group meets at Presbyterian Intercommunity Hospital. Social worker Kimberly Romig and Poynter are on hand to keep the discussion flowing and answer questions about the disease, which attacks the body’s immune system and generally strikes homosexuals and intravenous drug users.

During one recent meeting, Madeline, 44, discussed a rift between her and her 24-year-old son, who recently tested positive for the AIDS virus. “I want to cuddle up to him but my son doesn’t want it,” she told the group. “I don’t feel I’ve been there as a total parent. I don’t know what to do.”

Poynter and Romig told Madeline that her son is probably angry about his diagnosis, and that such a reaction is common. They told her to continue to let him know that she loves him and will be there when he needs her.

Poynter and Romig told the group that keeping busy is a good way to cope. Madeline, who worked as a volunteer sorting out clothes in a downtown mission on Thanksgiving, agreed.

“It was such a relief. I was there until 7 o’clock in the evening. I didn’t have time to be depressed,” she said.

The Whittier group was formed when Janet V. McMahon, 72, an organizer of the MAP group in Torrance, received inquiries from seven mothers in Whittier. Believing they would be better served by a group closer to home, McMahon called Poynter.

The first meeting drew 15 people, said Poynter, who had been told to expect no more than four or five. “To me, that showed that there is a need in this area,” she said.

The Whittier health district reported 12 AIDS cases from January through October, according to a spokeswoman from the county Department of Health Services. The district includes Whittier, La Habra Heights, Santa Fe Springs, La Mirada and Pico Rivera. A total of 45 AIDS cases have been reported in the district since the county began keeping statistics in 1981, spokeswoman Toby Staheli said.

Within the county, there are MAP groups in Lynwood/South Gate, Los Angeles, Torrance, Inglewood, Pasadena, Pomona/West Covina and the San Fernando Valley.

“It’s not governed by structure at all,” McMahon said. “We’re governed by the emotional needs of people.”

The Whittier meetings generally are publicized by word of mouth. Anyone who is a friend or relative of someone who has the disease is welcome, Poynter said. Meetings are held from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the hospital, 12401 E. Washington Blvd.