Science / Medicine : Seeking Clues: Why People Leave Suicide Notes

“No one should feel bad about my going. I’m not worth it,” begins one of the 1,200 suicide notes collected by a Canadian psychologist who was honored last year for his pioneering study of last words.

The note was left by a middle-aged Los Angeles man who shot himself after an unhappy love affair, said Dr. Antoons Leenaars, 37, of Windsor, Ontario.

Collected from coroners’ offices and bereaved loved ones, the notes provide the raw material that the Dutch-born psychotherapist is analyzing to determine why people take their own lives and how they might be saved.

Last year, Leenaars became only the second non-American to receive the Edwin Shneidman Award, established by a former UCLA professor to encourage research into suicide. The award was presented at a convention of the American Assn. of Suicidology in Washington.

With the help of a computer, Leenaars has identified eight classifications of suicides, based on what people write in their notes. They range from tunnel vision to paranoia, failed interpersonal relations and explosive anger turned on themselves.

“The common stimulus in all suicides is unbearable psychological pain,” said Leenaars, who works with school boards and public groups on suicide prevention and has written a book, “Suicide Notes.”

Leenaars said a note left by a 75-year-old woman in Los Angeles made him cry. Before death by suffocation she wrote: “Martha, I’m heartsick. First Grandma, then Bill, then my home, my car, my eyesight, now my apartment. . . . Love, Mary. Thanks for everything to everyone.”

One note said: “No one is to blame. P.S. Happy Father’s Day.”

The doctor believes that suicides are under-reported, since many coroners require a note before making that ruling. Even so, official rates in North America tripled in the third quarter of this century, with the highest toll in the 18 to 25 age bracket.

Far more men than women kill themselves. For every 100,000 North Americans, about 20 men and six women commit suicide. “It’s really concerning,” Leenaars said. “When people talk, you should listen,” he said. “Watch out for the person who’s always been sad who is suddenly happy. Suicide threats should always be taken seriously.”