The Act of Giving

As an adoptive parent, I am compelled to respond to the article that appeared Feb. 2 in the View section under Other Views, titled “A Prayer for a Baby She Let Go” by Maxine Haren Iritz.

Like so many articles on this subject, the reader is left with the opinion that the experience of relinquishing a child for adoption is so much more emotionally painful than that of having an abortion, and that, therefore, abortion is easier and preferable to adoption.

I do have a deep appreciation for the pain a woman must have in giving up her child. I can only compare it to the pain I experienced in accepting that I would not be able to give birth to my baby myself.

I wonder how is it that the pain of abortion is less than the pain of relinquishment of a child for adoption. Couldn’t we somehow communicate to the mothers that they have given life, breath and a family to their child.

Believe me, my son is my child. I care for his daily needs, I teach him, take care of him when he is sick and love him with more depth than I would have ever imagined possible. There is still the pain of not having delivered him myself. However, this pain is subrogated every time I look at and interact with him. I do realize that the birth mothers do not have this succor.

The adoption process is not an easy one. It is also not undertaken lightly. A couple undertaking adoption enters into parenting with a desire to give of themselves and share their lives with the child--forever.

What I would like to communicate to mothers who have relinquished their babies is the joy they have given. Perhaps they do not want to know this, or cannot bear to know this.

I hope that my son’s birth mother in her heart knows of the gift she has given my husband and I and the son we all share. He is surrounded by such love. We cherish every moment with him. And I pray that this knowledge would lessen her pain.

I strongly believe in the right of the mother to choose and not to be told by law what to do with her body. I would just like to help make it more socially acceptable and less painful for the mother to choose to relinquish a baby for adoption rather than to abort it.

BRENDA L. RAMSAY

El Cajon