Sports Beat: Some Things a Crackup and Some Are Not

Pounding the sports beat ...

Gone but not forgotten: They remember Len Bias in the Montana Terrace housing project in Washington, D.C., where Bias--according to some accounts--bought the cocaine that killed him.

In a recent Rolling Stone story on crack, author Lewis Cole quotes a youth counselor named BJ, who works in the Montana Terrace area:

“They started calling coke Len Bias after he died,” says BJ. “Kids will actually say, ‘Oh, that’s Len Bias. Let’s get that, that’s the good stuff.’ ”

Guess the kids missed the point.

Next time let Masters and Johnson do it: The long-awaited George Steinbrenner report on U.S. Olympic athletics was a blockbuster.

Conclusion of the eight-member panel, after a yearlong study: “Winning gold medals must always be the primary goal.”

Imagine the forehead slapping among USOC members at that pronouncement.

This is sure to be the death knell of the popular Olympic catch phrase, “Go for the bronze.”

Also released this week, with much less fanfare, was the U.S. Luge Assn.’s in-depth report on what can be done to improve the New York Yankees.

The lugers recommend that the Yankee front office be streamlined by reducing the number of knucklehead, windbag owners from one to zero.

Baseball questions:

Don’t the reports of Bob Uecker’s “mild, mild” heart attack make it sound almost soothing?

Read any good bat knobs lately?

It had to happen: Benoit Benjamin is fed up with the Clippers. The man has finally run out of patience with the hapless organization.

That makes sense. Being stuck on a team like the Clippers has seriously hindered Ben’s pursuit of Wilt Chamberlain’s records.

The big Clipper co-captain is talking about making this his last season with the local club. It will be nice to see him go to a team where his talents will be allowed to bloom, but what will the Clippers do without his leadership?

Ben’s agent, Larry Fleisher, says the Clippers’ “chemistry” is bad, and Ben needs a new “environment.” Also a dictionary.

If Ben goes, the Clippers will lose the distinction of being the only basketball team with co-captains--Ben and Quintin Dailey--who have chronic weight problems. This team doesn’t need a new coach, it needs a snack monitor.

Attention judges: Please consider putting a stop to the practice of sentencing convicted drug-abuser athletes to community service, where they go to schools and preach anti-drug messages.

These visits are inspirational to the kids, Your Honors, but the role-modeling tends to dim when the athlete is busted a week later in an alley, buying crack from a narc.

Eyewitness Department: In a recent feature on basketball’s legendary leapers, in this paper, the general consensus was that only one man--Wilt Chamberlain--ever leaped high enough to touch the top of a backboard, 13 feet off the ground.

Jimmy Sutcliffe of Playa del Rey writes to say he saw 6-foot-3 Jumpin’ Jackie Jackson play for the “Snookie’s Sugar Bowl” team in an amateur tournament in Jersey City in the early ‘60s.

Sutcliffe: “At halftime, a man placed a silver dollar on top of the backboard, after Jackie had put on a dunking exhibition. He then jumped up and took the silver dollar off the backboard. I saw him do it. I was there.”

Still no word on where Jackie is these days, but now we know what happened to Herman (Helicopter) Knowings, another New York playground leaping legend.

Herman Patterson of Hacienda Heights writes that he grew up in Spanish Harlem with the Helicopter, who shared his hoop wisdom with Patterson and called him “Li’l Herm.” Patterson says that the ‘Copter, a 6-5 stupendo leaper, died years ago when he was struck by a car on a New York street.

More baseball questions:

Is anyone else out there sad at the phasing out of the traditional “discernible stop”?

Will any American League stadium organists or sound men have the bad taste to play Robert Palmer’s song, “(Gonna Have to Face It) You’re Addicted to Love,” when Wade Boggs steps to the plate?

Magic watch: Excellent move by Jerry Buss, saying he will make the final decision on when Magic Johnson is allowed to return to active duty.

What Buss will probably do is get the green light from Magic, the trainer and the team doctors, then say, “OK, two more weeks.”

What’s the rush? Hurrying Magic back to action would be like sending Michelangelo out with a severe hangover to put the finishing touches on the statue of David.

Spring fever: Early reports from Vero Beach are encouraging. The World Series champion Dodgers are lean and hungry.

Example: Tom Lasorda says proudly of Mike Marshall, “He worked like a dog all winter.”

Spies tell me that Marshall is looking great in outfield workouts. Hasn’t dropped a Frisbee yet.