Commentary : Keeping in Touch With Youngsters Through Their Drug Danger Years

Stop! Look! Listen! These three words can save your child’s life. That’s because, with effort, these three words will remind you, as a concerned parent, to take time from your own busy schedule to find out what’s going on in your child’s life.

Just what is Johnny reading? Just what is Johnny doing? Unfortunately, if Johnny is a county high school student, he may be doing drugs. Statistics show that eight out of 10 high school students have tried drugs before graduation; five out of 10 are regular users.

Can three little words really combat these appalling statistics? As a psychologist who has successfully counseled troubled adolescents and their parents, I can offer support that these words, when implemented into a plan based on open and honest communication with your child, do indeed provide effective ammunition in the attack against drug abuse.

So: Stop! Look! Listen! And read on.

Stop

Too many parents assume that drugs are exclusive to neighborhoods where gangs roam the streets. Maybe you think there’s nothing to fear in your own back yard. If so, you’re wrong. Drug use is demographically non-discriminating. Orange County has a drug problem, and your child could be part of it.

Orange County Sheriff Brad Gates points out that over 8 months in 1988, local and federal officials assigned to the Regional Narcotics Suppression Program confiscated more than 5,000 pounds of cocaine--enough for 20 million doses of the drug.

“Yet, there are only 2 million people living in Orange County,” Gates notes. “We need everyone’s help to solve this problem. We need to find an answer to the question: ‘How do we save our children from 20 million doses of cocaine?’ ”

Parents I have counseled usually say they just never thought their child could be a drug user. One mother said to me: “My daughter is popular. She’s captain of her field hockey team. She’s a reporter for the school newspaper. She’s so busy, I didn’t think that she had time to get into trouble!”

Yet, with each tick of the clock, people who were not supposed to have time for drugs find the time anyway--and sometimes end up paying for it with their lives.

Once every 48 hours, a county resident dies from cocaine or heroin, according to Gates.

Parents who can stop and readily admit that their child has the potential to be a drug user should be aware and look for signs of a possible drug problem. As in most situations, catching and confronting the first signals of a drug problem increases the chance of eliminating the problem altogether.

Look

Some of the signals a parent should look for in determining a possible drug problem are:

1) Withdrawal--a change in attitude about life.

2) Behavior changes--signs of depression, a change of eating habits or sleeping patterns.

3) Changes in appearance--differences conflicting with the child’s previous values (not to be confused with a child who wants only to make a “statement”).

4) School problems--a drop in grades and general apathy concerning school.

5) Peer problems--suddenly can’t get along, or new friends your child won’t bring home.

6) Running away--attempts or threats to do so.

7) Low self-esteem--note your child’s confidence level and approach to problems.

Should parents detect any of these signals in their child, obviously communication becomes more important than ever. Yes, you’re going to be doing a lot of talking to your child, but don’t forget to listen too.

Listen

Effective communication between parents and their children isn’t a process that occurs overnight or one that miraculously appears in the face of a tragedy. Parents need to open communication lines before they suspect a drug problem. The key is getting involved with your child before your child gets involved with drugs.

When parents know their child is using drugs, it may be difficult for them to talk to that child without screaming, begging or crying. They will need to overcome their emotions and face their child with an open line of non-judgmental communication. Let your child know how you feel about the drug use rather than putting the child on the defensive by simply yelling at him for using drugs.

Say something such as: “I feel disappointed about you using cocaine because what you do now affects you for the rest of your life, and I don’t want to see you exclude yourself from certain careers and activities when you get older.”

Expressing your feelings leaves no opportunity for argument; the child can’t argue about what you are feeling inside.

And of course, don’t forget to listen to what your child has to say, and remember to watch for nonverbal messages as well. Eye contact is important, so I advise parents to put down their work or turn off the TV when your child wants to talk. Parents should give their full attention so they can receive the complete message.

Life in Orange County offers many material advantages. Parents striving to reap these advantages for their children often end up hurting those they want only to help. Spend the time it takes to get to know your child, even if it means giving up the tangible rewards attained through a few hours of overtime at the office.

Perhaps Kahil Gibran said it best in “The Prophet”: “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”