‘Da Big Complainers’

After completing your article on disgruntled ex-New Yorkers (“Da Big Complainers,” Metro, April 22) it suddenly dawned on me that the massive influx of these people is the root cause of our omnipresent gridlocked traffic, stratospheric housing prices, and my inability to get a good seat at a (pick one: Dodgers, Kings, Lakers, or Raiders) game. Several months ago, I was asked (forced?) to go to the Big Apple on a business trip. After a mere 48 hours in Gotham, I couldn’t get out fast enough!

Those folks no more left New York against their will than rats on board the Titanic (which, by the way, was headed for the Big Apple when it sank--did it know something we didn’t?). New York is the modern-day equivalent of a mastodon hopelessly trapped in a (La Brea?) tar pit, going through its final death rattle, well on the way to an inevitably excruciating demise.

I submit the following proposal to the City Council for immediate action:

1. Move the proposed ditch along the Mexican border to California’s eastern border.

2. Install “New York detectors,” similar to metal detectors, at LAX to prevent any would-be ex-New Yorker from entering Los Angeles illegally (business and commerce excluded--we’ll take your money, but not your people!).

3. Round up all members of DENY (Disgruntled Ex-New Yorkers) and other ex-patriot Gothamites, who are unwilling to adapt to the L.A. life style, for immediate deportation in a large crate sent C.O.D. to Ed Koch’s doorstep.

Have an awesomely intense day, dudes!

MATTHEW L. DADAY

Torrance