Self-Help Group Forms to Aid the Messy
Mary couldn’t get her leaky faucet fixed because she was ashamed to let a plumber see the inside of her cluttered home.
Jane was pregnant and didn’t know where she would put her new baby because she had so much “stuff” piled in every room of her apartment.
Lorene’s house was so messy that she couldn’t bring her terminally ill husband home from the hospital to die.
These people (whose names have been changed to protect the sloppy) and thousands more have been aided by a self-help group appropriately named Messies Anonymous (M.A.). Before they found M.A., they were subjected to ridicule and hostility by friends, family and others who heard their stories. The usual response was, “Tell her to get a maid” or, “Why should we feel sorry for her when so many people have real tragedies to bear.”
Sondra Felton, a Florida high school teacher, founded M.A. in 1982 because she understood the pain of people who just couldn’t get organized no matter how hard they tried--she suffered from the same problem. Felton decided that she could no longer live with the mess in her home. She tried reading books on being neat and systematized at home, but they didn’t help because, as she says, “they were written by organized people.”
‘I Hit Bottom’
It was the plumbing that finally made Felton say, “I hit bottom, like alcoholics do.” She noticed water dripping from the cabinet below the kitchen sink. She had kept newspapers under the sink for such events as getting a puppy, cleaning the oven or planting roses. The pipes had sprung a leak, but Felton was unaware of it because the newspapers had been absorbing the water. “I had to have the whole kitchen remodeled because it rotted through the floor underneath the sink,” she said.
Felton put an announcement in the local paper stating that she would hold a meeting for other messy people who couldn’t cope. Eleven women and one man came. Those in the group nodded agreement as Felton recounted some of the high points of her messiness.
“I thought as long as things were clean, they didn’t have to be put away.” She told of clean dishes on the counter, clean laundry on the sofa, magazine offers piled on the kitchen table and the mysterious disappearance of income-tax records.
A newspaper story about that first M.A. meeting received national attention and Felton soon received 12,000 letters. The woman who told about not being able to bring her husband home to die was finally able to remove all the “junk” from his bed and recliner chair, and he was able to return home. Felton responded to all the mail, published a newsletter and hired a computer consultant.
According to Felton, messies can be creative people with high standards, but they don’t have good memories for “things” left around the house. She says some messies are obsessive-compulsive people but the majority, in her experience, are not. Women keep the problem quiet and many try to get organized, but they cannot do it alone.
Stories Almost Amusing
Not all messy stories are tragic. Some are almost amusing, Felton says, but even those who can laugh about their plight admit to extreme unhappiness. She added: “There are a few men who ask for help, but men are usually not criticized for being messy, so they don’t worry about it.”
There are now 18 Messies Anonymous groups around the country with more than 7,000 members. Anyone wanting to start a group can contact Felton for information and support. She keeps the information simple to not overburden the already disorganized person. Felton wants messy men to know they are welcome to join, and they are doing so in ever increasing numbers. A newsletter is available, and dues are $10 per year.
A certified member of Messies Anonymous receives a card with a logo and the motto: “I can clean it, sort it, dry it or tell you where it is in five minutes or less.”
Felton divides Messies into nine categories. Here is her quick test to help you determine what kind (if any) of Messie you are.
If all the spoons in your kitchen drawer are neatly nested while “all the pots sit in the sink and sulk,” you’re a Perfectionist Messie.
If your mother had a “thing” about emptying bathroom waste baskets, but yours is overflowing, you’re a Rebellious Messie.
If you love to come home and read the evening paper, although six other papers reside by your favorite chair, you’re a Relaxed Messie.
If your teen-ager’s baby teeth are still in the drawer of your bedside table, you’re a Sentimental Messie.
If your ironing board hasn’t been tossed out in years, you’re a Spartan Messie.
If your dress hangs on the back of the kitchen door for days after it comes back from the cleaners, you’re a Clean Messie.
If you think a gritty bathtub is less slippery than a sparkling one, you’re a Safe Messie.
If you believe that there is something sinful in serving children a supermarket pie, you’re an Old-Fashioned Messie.
If you’ve figured out a simple solution to world hunger while your 6-year-old learned to make toast in self-defense, you’re an Idealistic Messie.
If you fear that you are or might be a Messie, you can receive a free introductory newsletter by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Messies Anonymous, 5025 S.W. 114th Ave., Miami 33165.
In addition, Felton has written four books: “The Messies Manual,” “Messies 2,” “The Messies Superguide” and her latest, “Messies No More.” All are published by Revell.