The scene: Suppose they opened a nightclub...

The scene: Suppose they opened a nightclub and everybody wanted to come? That was the sitch when the disco-y China Club officially opened Tuesday night in Hollywood. It’s been open for months for private parties, but the owners just got all their licenses and opened to the public in a flurry. The opening actually stretches over three nights, the club not being able to accommodate in one party everyone who wanted to come. On the first night, the crowd outside begging to get in was three deep as extra-large size security guards with headsets tried to keep everyone behind the ropes calm. (One brash young agent simply hopped over the rope and barked at the doorman, “ . . . I’m in.”) Even celebs were kept waiting. Those who did get into the club proved to the world once and for all that they are higher on the food chain.

The buzz: Maybe it was the full moon, maybe it was the wait to get in, maybe it was the crowds . . . but something unleashed streams of catty comments. One guest said of a celeb who regularly attends openings, “He sure can strap the feed bag on.” Another noticed the Chinese restaurant-like decorations on the wall and wondered if they were from the Ming Dynasty. “No,” said his friend, “I think they’re from the set of ‘Dynasty.’ ” And when a woman remarked about the miniature sharks swimming in the fish tank, a man cast a wary eye around the room and said: “There are a lot of sharks here--more than meets the eye.”

Who was there: An eclectic mix of notables, to be sure: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (caught necking in a corner early on), Lyle Alzado, Carrie Fisher, Faith Ford, Billy Idol, Judd Nelson, Tony Orlando, Lorenzo Lamas, Jellybean Benitez, Dweezil Zappa, Buck Henry, Tony Curtis, Scott Baio and Hot New Cute Young Thing actors Billy Wirth, Kevin Dillon and Robert Rusler. Special guest appearance by Mr. Fire Marshall, who kept the club staff hopping.

Dress mode: Lots of leather and big hair. Big hair.

The food: The cash bar received big no-no marks from clubbies who expected free drinks on opening night. There was free food--Chinese of course--consisting of chicken satay, egg rolls and fried won tons.

Quoted: Said Timothy Leary on this, the 20th anniversary of Woodstock, “There’s a new drug going around tonight--it’s called oxygen. We’re trying to score some.”

Overheard: As the air was thick with paparazzi, some guests resorted to coming in through the back way since the front was clogged every time a celeb would come through; hence this conversation:

“I had to come in through the back.”

“Why?”

“Lorenzo Lamas was coming in through the front.”

It’s rough being popular: A publicist mused over the intense scramble for tickets. “It’s like everybody’s suddenly your best friend,” she said. “And then the next week they forget all about you. It’s like a bad lover.”