He Never Got Tired of Giving Anyone His Seven Cents Worth

Ron Luciano, author and entertainer, made his living as an umpire until one day some simple arithmetic convinced him he was in the wrong business.

“Umpires are supposed to keep their place,” he said. “If a player was making $20,000 a year, I would have minded my own business. But I figured out that Jim Rice was making $582 for every strike I called and I was making seven cents. Seven cents. There’s no way I’m going to keep my place for seven cents.”

Ouch: From Terry Boers of the Chicago Sun-Times, suggesting that Chicago Cub announcer Harry Caray call it a career after being inducted into the Hall of Fame: “Why? Because he has turned just about every Cub game into a comedy of bloopers that’s lowlighted by repeated mispronunciations of visiting players’ names, misidentification of Cub players (How many times early this season did he refer to Andre Dawson as Andre Rodgers?) and his incessant slobbering over the Cubs.”

Add Caray: His son, Skip, is the announcer for the Atlanta Braves and grandson Chip will do the play-by-play for the Orlando Magic of the NBA.

“Just think of it,” Harry said. “Three generations of Carays broadcasting major league sports at the same time. It seems a mathematical impossibility. I must have been married when I was 5 years old.”

Trivia time: When Raider wide receiver Sam Graddy finished second to Carl Lewis in the 1984 Olympic 100 meters, who did he beat out for the silver medal? (Answer below.)

Post-mortem: The subject was the 1986 American League playoffs, when the Angels came within one strike of beating the Boston Red Sox, and Hall of Fame umpire Al Barlick told the Philadelphia Inquirer: “I felt so sorry for Gene Mauch. Think of it, one pitch. One pitch. It wasn’t supposed to be, was it?

“I had a lot of respect for Gene. He’d come out to question you, and if you had an answer for him, he’d leave you alone. If you didn’t, he’d eat you alive.”

Kinerism of the week: How bad are the Montreal Expos in base-stealing? New York Met broadcaster Ralph Kiner put it this way: “They have been thrown out only one less time than the last place team has been thrown out the most.”

Still the king: Royce Nielsen, regular caddy for Arnold Palmer, told the Seattle Times: “He’s quite a guy. After the PGA, he stood out on the parking lot signing autographs for 35 people. Nick Faldo, who might be playing better than anyone in the world, walked by unnoticed. A little girl asked Curtis Strange for an autograph and he said no.”

Add autographs: Karolyn Rose, sitting with an Atlanta Journal reporter as they watched her son, Pete Jr., play for the Erie (Pa.) Orioles, said: “I know people change. I just hope Little Pete never does. Watch the way he signs autographs for the kids. He really cares. I hope he never charges somebody 15 bucks.”

Trivia answer: Ben Johnson of Canada.

Quotebook: Whitey Herzog, manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, who have hit 59 home runs: “We’ll catch Maris, sure as hell.”