Oklahoma Clangs Door Shut on the Top Spot : Steve Harvey

THE COLLEGES Still winless (0-1) at this juncture, minus its longtime coach, not to mention several players who have been transferred to other institutions, Oklahoma occupies the top cell in the college Bottom Ten.

The Swooners dropped a 6-13 decision to Clemson in the Jan. 2 Florida Citrus Bowl and, through a fluke in the schedule, won’t have a chance to even their 1989 record until Sep. 2 when they play New Mexico State.

Right behind them is equally winless USC (0-1), which lost its second consecutive Rose Bowl appearance under coach Larry Smith, the Bo Schembechler of Pac-10 bowl coaches. Smith shrugged off the Trojans’ failure to attain No. 1 in the Bottom Ten, pointing out, “Those preseason ratings are a figment of someone’s imagination.”

Meanwhile, Notre Dame, forced to resort to six-man flag football because of numerous personnel losses, is rated No. 8. Southern Methodist (No. 20) is listed as a “probable” to field a team.

THE RANKINGS

Team (’89 Record) Last Loss Next Loss 1. Oklahoma (0-1) 6-13, Clemson N. Mex. St. 2. USC (0-1) 14-22, Michigan Ill.* 3. Mich. St. (0-1) 27-34, Georgia Miami (O.) 4. Auburn (0-1) 7-13, Fla. St. Pacific 5. Arkansas (0-1) 3-17, UCLA Tulsa 6. W. Va. (0-1) 21-34, Notre Dame Ball St. 7. Nebraska (0-1) 3-23, Miami (Fla.) N. Ill. 8. Notre Dame (1-0) def. W. Va., 34-21 Va. 9. Japan Stars (0-1) 3-73, Bill & Mary** Idle 10. Iowa (0-1) 23-28, N.C. St.*** Oregon

11. Penn State (0-0) (Coach Joe Paterno: “I don’t know if we have 11 good football players on defense and offense . . . We haven’t been consistent.”); 12. LSU (0-12) (12 players suspended for cheating on off-season geography exam); 13. University of Texas at El Austin (0-0); 14. Clemson (1-0 but being tailed by NCAA); 15.-17. The Miamis (Fla., Ohio, R.I.); 18. Pentagon (classified); 19. Idle; 20. SMU II (or, Is There Life After the Death Penalty?)

*Former Glasnost Bowl, reset for L.A. after Moscow, Soviet Union and Moscow, Ida. sites were rejected.

**In Yokohama on Jan. 8 (not a league game for Bill & Mary).

***Peach Bowl in Atlanta on Dec. 31; however, it was Jan. 1 in Yokohama.

OPENING ROUT: Virginia (0-0) over Notre Dame (1-0) Thursday. (Expecting the Irish to open impressively, Coach Lou Holtz said, would be “asking an awful lot of young football players that haven’t played before.”)

WINLESS BOWL: SMU (0-0) vs. Rice (0-11) (Sep. 2).

THE PROS

Beset by threatened cheerleader defections, a defense anchored by Too Old Jones and a lack of good, young quarterbacks, the Alamo Cowboys are favored to capture the Bay Division and go on to win the Bottom Ten’s Stupor Bowl title.

The Cowboys were last year’s Bottom Ten champions and back-to-back titles are never easy in the National Football League, but they seem to lack what it takes. New coach Jimmy Johnson promises that, contrary to his previous team, the Miami Hurricanes, the Cowboys won’t be hit with many academic violations.

Alamo will be pushed once again by two other Bays, Tampa and Green, both of which have imposing statistics. Green led the NFL last year in number of kickers (four). Tampa, meanwhile, is the only NFL team never to have run a kickoff back for a touchdown, a streak stretching across 13 years.

Then there’s Pitt and QB Bubby Brister, who said at one point last year, “We may as well punt on first down and get it over with.” It was such a good face-saving idea that the Steelers have awarded him a 3-year contract of nearly $1 million per year, richest in team history.

THE RANKINGS BAY DIVISION

Team (’88 Record) Worst ’88 Loss Opener 1. Alamo (3-13) 3-43, Minnesota New Orleans 2. Tampa (5-11) 20-49, Minnesota Green 3. Green (4-12) 0-28, Buffalo Tampa

LAND DIVISION

Team (’88 Record) Worst ’88 Loss Opener 1. Detroit (4-12) 17-44, Minnesota Phoenix 2. Cincinnati (12-4) 6-41, Houston Chicago 3. Pitt (5-11) 7-42, Cincinnati Cleveland

TRUMP DIVISION

Team (’88 Record) Worst ’88 Loss Opener 1. N.J. ‘Ants (10-6) 31-45, Rams Washington 2. N.J. Jets (8-7-1) 3-28, N. England Old England 3. N.J. Generals (0-0) Idle Idle

HOMELESS DIVISION

Team (’88 Record) Worst ’88 Loss Opener 1. Raiders (7-9) 21-45, Cincinnati San Diego

CRUMMY OPENER: California Raiders (7-9) vs. San Diego (6-10).

OPENING ROUT: Chicago (10-6) over Cincinnati (12-4).

COMING ROUT: Mike Tyson over Tony Mandarich, Marc Gastineau and Brigitte Nielsen, or any combination of the three.

GOOD NEWS: The NFL ruled that Cincinnati running back Ickey Woods can’t perform the Ickey Shuffle in the end zone, but may do so in front of the Bengal bench. Or in front of Tony Mandarich, Marc Gastineau or Brigitte Nielsen.