Thumbs Down on a Real-Life Family Drama

The reviews are in! And the Elizabeth Morgan-Eric Foretich custody battle has been judged the best TV drama of the year!

Time magazine said that after watching the divorced couple’s recent appearance on “Nightline,” “no better drama on TV” was possible.

Way to go, Morgan and Foretich! And let’s keep those ratings up!

Dr. Elizabeth Morgan, 42, is a prominent Washington plastic surgeon. She has hidden her 7-year-old daughter, Hilary, in disobedience of a court order, because she claims her ex-husband has repeatedly raped the child.

The ex-husband, Dr. Eric Foretich, 46, an oral surgeon, says this is a lie and he wants his daughter returned and the visitation rights the court has granted him.

Morgan was sent to jail for hiding the child and sat there for 25 months--while giving repeated press interviews, of course.

Recently, Congress quickly passed a special law that was rushed to George Bush for his signature so Morgan could get out of jail.

A special law just for her!

All kinds of legal action are still pending. But both Morgan and Foretich went on ABC’s “Nightline” to continue their public relations campaign. They are not limiting the case to the courts. Each wants to win the hearts and minds of the American people.

And since they have made their lives a TV drama, a performance, I feel no guilt in reviewing the case that way:

I think both of them look like loons. And if I were their kid, nobody would have to hide me. I would run away from home.

On “Nightline,” Morgan looked like a zombie on downers. A smile was tattooed to her lips. Her act is to be sweet and reasonable except when it comes to her ex-husband, whom she delights in calling a rapist on national TV.

Foretich’s role is to avoid the appearance of anger, while he writhes beneath his skin. His act is to say that all he cares about is getting his daughter back, not revenge against the woman who is saying these terrible things about him. Yeah, right.

It is possible that before this long-running media campaign began, both these people were relatively normal. But they don’t look or act that way anymore.

There are hints that Foretich is not the most pleasant of people. Another wife (he has had four) has accused him of molesting their daughter. This is not proof; it is just another accusation.

But I cannot champion Morgan’s case either. She can self-righteously claim to be defending her daughter’s safety, but all she is really saying is that she is above the law. She doesn’t have to do what a judge tells her to do, she says. She will become a martyr and then she will get her powerful friends to help her.

Some say we should feel sorry for Morgan because she spent 25 months in jail for civil contempt without ever being convicted of a crime.

But I don’t feel sorry for her. And if you do, I’ve got a whole bunch of people you can feel even sorrier for. They are in jail and they have not been convicted of crimes and they are not wealthy plastic surgeons.

They are the thousands of people who go to jail every day in this country because they cannot make bail. They are accused of crimes, but they are not convicted of crimes. They are, in fact, presumed to be innocent.

But they are poor. And so they sit in jail waiting for the wheels of justice to slowly grind.

And they don’t have the kind of pals that Morgan has. They don’t have pals like Texas oil billionaire H. Ross Perot and former Democratic Party Chairman Robert Strauss and a fiancee who just happens to be a federal judge.

And do you know what happens when you have pals like that? You get a special law just for you.

And then you get a plane to carry that law up to Kennebunkport so President Bush can sign it while he’s on vacation so you don’t have to wait another minute before you can get out of jail and go appear live on “Nightline.”

Remember the story of Solomon? How two women both claimed to be the mother of a baby? And King Solomon holds the baby up and pulls his sword and threatens to cut the baby in two and give half to each mother?

And the true mother says, no, give the baby to the false mother rather than harm it. And by that act, King Solomon knows who the true mother is.

Well, we have no parent willing to give Hilary up in order to save her.

We have two parents for whom Hilary has become a weapon to wound the other.

Many have written that the real loser in this battle has been Hilary, because she has lived for more than two years without either parent.

But I don’t think that’s so bad.

I think staying away from both her parents is the best thing that could happen to this kid.