Casting a Net for the Bottom Line

The only thing funnier than an Art Buchwald column is Hollywood arithmetic.

Doubtless that is something the Pulitzer Prize-winning satirist will discover for himself during the next phase of his lawsuit against Paramount Picture Corp. Monday, a judge ruled that the studio’s successful comedy film “Coming to America” did indeed derive from a treatment the columnist created for Paramount.

Buchwald’s contract with the studio, however, entitles him to a share of the movie’s net rather than gross profits. Paramount--not unexpectedly--contends that, according to its accounting, the comedy, which starred the popular Eddie Murphy, has grossed an impressive $350 million, but has yet to clear one cent of profit. Buchwald--not unexpectedly--contends that if you believe that, you’ll believe that Donald Trump is a philanthropist.

To prove that (and here comes the serious subtext without which any Buchwald effort is incomplete), the columnist must cut through the Gordian Knot of film finance. In doing so, he and his attorney may well bring into public view studio accounting practices that many in the movie industry’s creative community suspect deprive them of their rightful share in the profits generated by their art. It’s a worthy, though daunting endeavor. But why stop there? If Buchwald finds an accountant who can navigate the fiscal shoals of a studio’s books, wouldn’t that be precisely the person to sort out the Third World debt problem.

And, if that person had a love interest . . . .