Gaines’ Toughest Job: Visiting Chuckie Mullins : Football: ‘I hate what happened to Chuckie. I see that play over and over,’ the Vanderbilt fullback says.

As Brad Gaines walked through the doors of Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, the knot in his stomach felt as if it were going to explode.

It was the day after the Liberty Bowl game between Ole Miss and Air Force. For Gaines, a fullback at Vanderbilt, the uncertainty of his mission had been building. His palms sweated as he searched for the hospital directory.

For an athlete who prides himself on handling adversity, it was one of the most difficult times in Gaines’ life. He was on his way to see Chuckie Mullins, Ole Miss defensive back who suffered a broken neck while tackling Gaines during a game in Oxford, Miss., on Oct. 28.

Gaines had wanted to visit Mullins the week after the injury, but Vanderbilt Coach Watson Brown called doctors and was told it was too soon and could prove too traumatic for Mullins.

For the next three months, Gaines struggled with the emotional battle.

“I’d be asleep at night and wake up and think to myself, ‘I wonder if Chuckie has forgiven me. Or if he ever will.’ I feel like I’ve been in jail ever since this happened.”

Gaines was directed to the fourth floor. He emerged from the elevator to see about 50 people, Ole Miss fans who wanted to visit Mullins.

Gaines introduced himself to Mullins’ guardian, Carver Phillips, and softly asked if he could visit Chuckie alone. He walked into the room and realized for the first time the severity of Mullins’ injury. Seeing Mullins tethered to tubes and monitors was almost too much, Gaines said.

Mullins’s eyes finally caught Gaines and for a brief moment, the visitor had to look away.

“It was hard to look straight at him,” Gaines said.

Gaines remembers that his rambling monologue dealt mainly with small talk. He did all the talking because Mullins was attached to a respirator that prevented him from making anything more than guttural sounds. He talked about the weather, the hospital, his flight to Memphis, the football season, everything except the accident.

“My mind was just flying,” he said. “I thought to myself, ‘This is incredible.’ I looked at his chest and you think of football players as heavily muscled. But Chuckie had lost so much weight, well, it was as if his chest had atrophied.

“One of the worst things is not knowing what he was thinking,” Gaines said. “I was afraid to dig deep, to talk about the injury. I didn’t want to upset him. I didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable.”

They spent about half an hour together. After leaving the room, Gaines thanked Phillips for his kindness and left.

“The whole thing was really tough, seeing Chuckie and all. But the thing I couldn’t get out of my mind as I was leaving was if Chuckie had some way forgiven me.”

Gaines hesitated, shook his head, then said, “I don’t think I’ll ever know.”

Gaines can’t shake the recollection of the tackle and the sight of Mullins being taken from the field strapped to a stretcher. There are constant reminders. He saw the incident replayed on television Nov. 25. He saw it again at halftime of the Liberty Bowl.

A couple of weeks before he made the visit, Gaines was in his dorm room after a pleasant evening. Football was over and Gaines was relaxed. He turned on the TV and settled on SportsLook, a talk show hosted by Roy Firestone. The subject: serious football-related injuries.

Gaines heard Firestone say, “And down at the University of Mississippi, Chuckie Mullins. . . .”

Jack Tatum, a former player with the then-Oakland Raiders, was on the show. Tatum put New England Patriots wide receiver Darryl Stingley in a wheelchair for life with a vicious hit. Tatum reportedly never visited Stingley while he was in the hospital. Gaines said he finds it hard to believe anyone would be that uncaring.

“How could he not go?” Gaines said. “Seeing Chuckie was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I wanted to do it. I had to do it. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t seen him because not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.”

Gaines said he will stay in touch with Mullins and will do anything he can to help.

“I’m a caring person. I hate what happened to Chuckie. I see that play over and over. I went up for the pass and I thought I was going to score.”

Gaines caught the ball at the 2, but Mullins stopped him in his tracks. Gaines fumbled but recovered.

“I thought, ‘Man, what a hit.’ You know you’re going to get hit when you catch one over the middle. That’s tough territory. I looked around and he was down. He stayed down.”