SANTA ANA : An Adopted Woman’s Quest Ends

Ever since Debbie Steinken could remember, she had wanted to know about her biological mother.

Like other adopted children, she loved the parents who raised her--they would always be Mom and Dad--but she couldn’t let her curiosity rest.

After a harrowing and discouraging seven-year quest through the red tape of the Maryland state adoption bureaucracy, involving psychiatrists, social workers, attorneys and judges, Steinken, now 22, finally met her birth mother, who is moving from Delaware to be near Steinken.

But now that her story has finally ended happily, the Orange Coast College student has embarked on a mission to offer advice to other young adults in similar situations.

“I want to tell everybody what their rights are,” Steinken said. “My story has so much good in it, I think people would get encouraged, not discouraged.”

Steinken has written a 22-page account of the difficulties she faced in trying to learn about her biological mother--from the judge who insisted that she needed a psychiatric evaluation before she could receive information, to the social worker who lost her case file for nearly one year, to the adoption agency administrators who never told her that her birth mother also was looking for her.

“I am so mad at all of these people involved,” Steinken said. “They all looked through my file at one time or another, yet they never acted like they saw the letter in the file from her that said she was looking for me, too.”

But Steinken’s account also tells of a helpful friend she met during an Orange Coast College class in August, 1988, who told her about state adoption laws and the right of adopted adults to receive non-identifying information, such as the race, religion and medical background of their parents. One week after that conversation, Steinken and her birth mother were reunited.

The friend, Nicki Pike, who is a private clinical social worker, said Steinken just needed someone to validate her search.

“She had been very nice and ladylike in her approach,” recalled Pike, who encouraged Steinken to be more forceful about getting information.

While Steinken is angry about how her case was handled, she agrees with laws that disallow adoption information to minors. She thinks adopted teens should pass through their rebellious years without trying to seek replacement parents.

“People always ask me how I feel about my parents . . . ,” said Steinken, an only child, who was always told that she was “special” because she was adopted. “My answer is, they’re still you’re parents. They raised you and love you. No one can replace Mom and Dad.”

Her parents, William and Keiko Steinken, who adopted her when William was a Marine Corps naval flight officer stationed in Maryland, are happy and proud of their daughter’s relentless pursuit.

“When she gets hold of something, she won’t let go,” William Steinken said. “If she wants it done, she’ll get it done.”

Debbie Steinken said the best advice she has to offer those searching for their biological parents is the advice she received from Pike: Get information about the adoption laws for that state.

“Let these people know you know what your rights are, and they’ll help you faster,” she said. “I really think that if I didn’t talk to her (Pike), I’d still be asking that social worker where my file was.”