Livestock show tricks make beauties out of beasts.

At the Houston Livestock Show, Lesson No. 1 is this: If the bull isn’t blow-dried, he doesn’t stand a prayer.

Lesson No. 2: To keep a heifer’s tail from being mussed after it has been freshly teased, wrap the bottom end in a plastic bag, attached with a rubber band.

Strange truths, these, for the uninitiated.

But for the people whose livelihoods are affected by how well their cattle do at the show, a 1-ton bull gets all the attention of a prize poodle. The rodeo which ran next door at the Astrodome last week may have offered more glitter, with the likes of George Strait and the Judds playing each night, but the stakes were also high in the livestock barn.

A winning entry in one of the bull competitions can mean thousands of dollars in semen sales. The grand-champion steer sold for $97,000 last year.

The competition is especially tough here in Houston, reputedly the largest livestock show in the world, where more than 25,000 entries are recorded annually. The professional breeders alone converge on Texas from at least 34 other states.

Hence, witness Mark Branson of Cuba, Mo., who was applying baby powder to the legs of a Charolais heifer before entering the show ring. The better to lighten them up, he said. Then he gave the hoofs a last-minute shine from an aerosol can. And finally, he sprayed his heifer with Golden Glow, a beauty aid that is supposed to impart that special, winning sheen.

Alas, Branson’s effort went for naught. The winner in this particular category was shown by Scott Nash of Leona, Tex., who was clearly pleased.

“It means everything that you’ve worked all year for,” he said. “It’s a lot of prestige.” Then Nash noticed a hair out of place and quickly ordered some hair spray and a brush before leading the heifer off for a photo session.

Throughout the livestock show last week, one scene was repeated hundreds of times: Freshly-shampooed and conditioned cattle being brushed and blow-dried, while their hair was trimmed in the manner befitting a rich matron. Tails were teased and held in place by an adhesive before being covered with a bag for safekeeping. Pigs were bathed and sprayed with a coat of oil. Sheep were washed and blow-dried.

John Patterson has been watching all this for a long time. For the last 18 years, he has been coming to the livestock show and selling beauty aids for animals, along with the more practical tools of handling animals.

“A proper grooming is the difference between winning and losing,” Patterson said. “An inferior animal that’s groomed well can beat a better animal that hasn’t been groomed properly.”

Proper grooming is not a cheap proposition. The animal blow-dryer for sale at Patterson’s stall in the livestock barn goes for $320. And that is only the beginning. On display were hundreds of bottles of potions designed to bring out the best in cattle, horses and sheep.

There was shampoo for horses, horse hair polish and animal hair conditioner. There were both black and white lacquer adhesives and show-day adhesive, all designed to keep hair in place and, in the process, fluff up hair to make animals look bigger. There was livestock foam, the better to shear with, as well as bottles of hoof brightener.

One product, called White Glow, was described on the label as “the show-day dressing to use on dull and hard-to-manage hair. Will help set and give a lasting sheen.”

Another, called White Lightning, claims to be “the ideal show-day dressing to give your animal’s hair natural bloom, shine and body.”

Cans of hair dye were also for sale. Patterson was asked if, perhaps, that might be going a bit beyond the pale. His answer was no, not for a little touch-up, but yes for a major overhaul.

“You use it on, say, a cow with black hair where the ends might have turned brown,” he said.

Patterson, who operates his business out of the tiny town of Collins, Iowa, said things had changed dramatically since the days when he first started peddling his wares.

“Hell, I didn’t have a third of the products I have today,” he said. “Our inventory has increased tenfold from back in those days. The competition is getting so much keener. The demand for new products increases all the time.”

And if he had to pick his best product, what would it be? He pointed to his Deluxe 5000 hair spray, priced at $12.50 a quart.

“It’s a product that’s in great demand because it makes the hair hop and bounce,” he said.