Watching the Night Away : TV’S TWILIGHT ZONE REACHES INSOMNIACS AND SPENDAHOLICS

Sometime during the bleary hours between David Letterman and dawn, when late night gives way to late-late night television, programming undergoes a metamorphosis.

No longer targeting yuppies, working-class consumers or women between 18 and 35, late-late TV trespasses across all sociological boundaries. Much of it appeals unabashedly to universal desires for untold riches, passionate romance and personal growth.

It’s the American Dream for people who can’t sleep, a graveyard-shift twilight zone for the lonely, the broke and the bored.

You can tell just by watching the commercials. Got a hankering for the “Ultimate Neil Diamond Collection”? Or a hearing device so powerful that it literally lets you hear a whispered comment from across the room? Or an amazing knife that “rips through ribs! Zips through vegetables! Saws through chicken! Can cut through a lead pipe! Yet the razor edge never needs sharpening!”?

It’s all there for a couple of toll-free calls and a credit card number. Operators really are standing by.

Are you lonely tonight? Late-late TV’s got romance for a mere $2, plus toll, if any. “They got many guys and ladies just waiting to talk to you,” promises a telephone party line.

Then there are the info-mercials-program-length ads with names like “Financial Freedom and Wealth Building in America Today,” “Amazing Discoveries” and “The $50,000 Business Opportunity Showcase”Qdesigned to seduce even the most dubious viewer.

Perhaps it’s the time of night. Perhaps it’s the endorsements by celebrities like Ali MacGraw, Brenda Vaccaro and Fran Tarkenton. However it’s done, after a few rounds of info-mercials, it doesn’t seem unreasonable that Barbi Benton could compose and record an album after mastering the techniques on “Play the Piano Overnight.” Or that the average insomniac could be privy to the secrets of no less than six author/publisher/ self-made millionaires.

Info-mercials start something like this: “Tonight’s program will show you 101 ways to get cash from the government,” or, “If you’re a woman who wants to captivate and mesmerize a man for the rest of his life, stay tuned.”

After 15 minutes or so, the shows are interrupted by information on how to order the merchandise or self-help program being hawked. You can send a check or money order to Westerville, Ohio, or Rocklin, Calif., or use plastic and speed up the process.

One info-mercial promotes a guide to erasing bad credit. “Without good credit, it will be very difficult to function in our cashless society,” a voice says. A home study course from the American Institute of Consumer Credit costs $129, plus $10 shipping and handling. Don’t wait another minute, the announcer advises. Order now with VISA or MasterCard if you wish.

But if the key to understanding late-late TV is merely staying awake long enough to find something with meaning, there’s “Make Room for Daddy” at 12:30 and 4 a.m. on Nickelodeon. The show doesn’t promise secrets of love or money, but instead offers the sage advice of Kathy Williams, Danny Thomas’ perfect T50s wife: “Yell when you’re ready for some coffee.”