From Presidential Betrayal to Vindication : Iran-Contra: The electoral defeat of the Sandinistas softens the pain of an ungrateful and silent Ronald Reagan.

Before the release of Ronald Reagan’s videotaped testimony for the trial of his former national security adviser, John M. Poindexter, many conservatives who had worked for freedom in Nicaragua were hopeful. Might the former President use the opportunity to acknowledge his leadership of our noble but misinterpreted struggle?

My participation had cost me: I’d endured a media “trial,” the trial of Oliver L. North (I was a prosecution witness) and a trial of my own. I was the first to plead in the Iran-Contra affair--guilty of conspiring to defraud the government by soliciting tax-deductible funds for non-deductible purposes--for which I paid a $50 fine and received two years of probation. Since disclosure of the affair, it has been years of humiliation, alienation, loss of career, personal financial ruin and growing self-doubt.

Other devoured “children” of the Reagan Revolution--”my contributors,” I shall call them--felt similarly betrayed by their leader. Our relationship can be characterized as a cross between the camaraderie of combat soldiers and the emotional bonds binding a dispersed but close family. Our commitment to each other was--and is--only exceeded by our commitment to The Cause.

Surely, we felt, Ronald Reagan, at last free of the constraints of office and his legion of cowardly advisers, would testify that he had solicited and encouraged us to join The Cause. It was time for him to acknowledge what he had told us in scores of small and large meetings. He at least owed us that.

Even after the Iran-Contra affair, my contributors individually resumed financial support for the Nicaraguan freedom fighters. They gave money to the defense funds of North, Poindexter and Richard V. Secord. Though not immune to the media presumption of a Sandinista victory in the elections last month, they contributed to the campaign of Violeta Barrios de Chamorro, candidate of the opposition.

Throughout, Reagan’s strange silence continued to test our faith. Some blamed Nancy. Others began questioning the former President’s commitment not only to the struggle for freedom in Central America, but also to anti-communism, traditional values and the other issues that had drawn us to his side. Was the man who had watched in silence as the government--his government--pilloried North and who had abandoned so many others nothing more than a glib politician?

On Feb. 25, Reagan, shrouded in mists of forgetfulness, gently sealed the door of hope shut.

Barbara Christian, a Kentucky patriot who could always muster another ounce of energy or another generous check for a pro-democracy cause, told me, “Perhaps I’ll just take a long drive around the West.”

John Ramsey, a Wichita Falls, Tex., businessman, whose commitment to freedom in Nicaragua included plans to join the Contras in the jungle, said: “It’s time I forget politics and get back to concentrating on my business.”

The gentle and deeply religious Pentecost family in San Angelo, Tex., called their commitment “wasted.”

Mrs. Evelyn Taylor, another Texan, prepared to concentrate her energies on promoting a religious revival in Central Europe.

Some hid their hurt and betrayal by blanking out all thoughts of what seemed to be the lost crusade in Central America. The feelings of others turned to anger. To their mind, Reagan had betrayed staff, supporters and The Cause.

Then came the miracle: ELECTION UPSET IN NICARAGUA.

Our phone lines buzzed. We all wanted to know whether the news of Chamorro’s victory over Daniel Ortega was some sort of electronic aberration at our local television stations. It wasn’t, of course.

Suddenly, the slanders of irresponsible journalists, the presumptions of guilt by prosecutors, the snickers of those who thought our hope for Nicaraguan freedom “quaint” and even the pain caused by Ronald Reagan--all were washed away. I felt cleansed in a religious sense.

My and my contributors’ optimism was back. A small group of dedicated patriots could make a difference. All that talk about long drives in the West, family business and dropping out of politics gave way to discussions of new crusades, new support for the cause of freedom.

Christian, Ramsey, the Pentecosts, Taylor and thousands of other conservative warriors: We’re back!