A First-Quarter Report on What Kind of Fools We Are
Happy April 1.
But no fooling, folks.
All of this stuff is for real.
But we don’t make misteakes here: The day after 2 1/2 year-old Katy Dunn wandered away from Cypress College’s Children’s Center, college President Kirk Avery was quick to absolve the center staff of any blame. Too quick.
The state agency that monitors day care centers came back with a blistering report blaming the facility for the Katy incident and then some. That’s when Avery said he couldn’t comment because the handwritten report was “illegible.”
I read the report without any problem. There’s a handwritten report and a typed summary of the violations.
Nice try, Mr. President.
Rdmylps: Have you ever wondered how many accidents are caused by drivers trying to figure out what all those personalized license plates really mean?
Spike it: It seems there’s a new requirement for membership in the PC (Politically Correct) Club these days.
Whenever you get the chance, you should say what a shame it is that Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing” failed to garner an Oscar nomination in the Best Picture category.
Say when? Has anybody but me noticed that the people building the new John Wayne airport terminal are still hedging on when the expansion will be completed? The terminal was originally scheduled to open today. April Fools!
Stand up and be counted or run and hide: Today’s the deadline to return your census forms. Officials have gone out of their way to stress that it’s completely confidential. And if you still don’t comply, you’re subject to a $100 fine. But if it’s so top secret, how are they going to find the scofflaws? Yo! Anybody around here want to ‘fess up?
Bring back Trump trash: Somehow the news that first daughter Dorothy Bush LeBlond and her husband, William LeBlond, are seeking the advice of a mediator to work out a divorce settlement leaves me stone bored.
“I don’t make predictions,” is all that hubby’s attorney would say when asked about the possibility of reaching an agreement. At least we still have the Donald’s scheduled opening of his Taj Mahal casino to look forward to. Will Other Woman Marla Maples be unveiled or is she already yesterday’s news?
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t: The hatemongers in Yorba Linda got just what they wanted: publicity. I’m talking about the distribution of fliers exhorting people to “kill a Jew.” Some people were upset that the media reported this. They felt it could encourage hate. I say silence is even worse. It implicitly condones such hate crimes.
I think I can.... I think I can: I read in the New York Times the other day that critics are calling the motivational tactics of the California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility just another “feel-good” approach to modern-day ills.
I’d like to know what these critics suggest. Should we just give up and feel lousy? Look what that’s done for New Yorkers.
Election? What election? State Sen. John Seymour, the Anaheim Republican who’s running for lieutenant governor, says that his request to watch the execution of Robert Alton Harris has nothing to do with his election bid. Yeah, right. That’s why he told a Times reporter all about it.
Well, he had this really weird-looking goldfish: Ever notice that reporters always seem to find someone who will feed them a bizarre tidbit about a suspected criminal? One neighbor, asked recently about a man accused of murdering his girlfriend in Orange, said this: “From what I hear, he was sort of on the oddball side. I heard one guy who parked next to him say he’d park his car sideways one day, then lengthwise the next.”
Guilty!
Double dare you: Feeling adventuresome? Try pulling alongside one of those truck drivers on the freeway and truthfully answering his “How Am I Driving?” bumper sticker.
Save the day: Today’s the day we spring forward by turning our clocks an hour ahead. What a relief! Now the clock on my VCR will finally tell the correct time. We never have figured out how to change the thing. What about you?
