The weakness of the 1990 federal census...

The weakness of the 1990 federal census is that it really won’t give Angelenos an idea of how they compare with the rest of the nation in several crucial life-style categories.

For instance, a Security Pacific Bank study found that more than one out of every two residents take vitamins, that 548,000 Angelenos bought backpacking equipment over a 12-month period (and 228,000 of them never took it out of the closet) and, perhaps most shocking, that only about 10% of the male population bought new bathing trunks each year.

So how do we rank nationwide in these categories? Are the bathing suits of Cleveland men less worn and frazzled?

The 1990 census will offer no clue.

The same with surfboard ownership. And what about poodles? L.A. has licensed more than 16,000 of the grumpy little designer dogs. But most other cities don’t break their figures down by breed, so L.A.’s ranking is unknown.

And then there’s the sunglasses issue. Some manufacturers say that Seattle ranks No. 1 in the nation in per capita purchases.

Such a claim, if true, would seem to be an insult to the L.A. Convention and Visitors Bureau (or is it Visitors and Convention Bureau?).

Not necessarily, though. Seattleites buy more, the theory goes, because they tend to lose their shades during the many rainy periods. But we won’t know for sure. Maybe the 2000 census will address these issues.

In the meantime, don’t forget to take your vitamins.

Just the other day, the city rejected a bid by local disc jockeys Mark and Brian to paint the HOLLYWOOD sign green for St. Patrick’s Day.

Someone couldn’t let April Fools’ Day pass without editing the 68-year-old landmark, though. Police said pranksters used a camouflage parachute “and twisted it around the first ‘O”’ to make the sign read: “HALLYWOOD.”

A suspicious sort might point out that Sunday also marked the debut of the HA! cable comedy network.

You may recall that a few months ago “Only in L.A.” gave readers an exclusive look at the secret life-style of Lassie, who is generally shielded from the media by a team of press agents.

Though the dog has the female lead in a TV series, Lassie is actually a male. What’s more, the collie virtually refuses to perform on camera unless his young mistress, Falcon, is seated nearby.

Now comes the news that a Beverly Hills interior design company has created a 7-foot-long, 6-foot-high, two-story Scottish manor house for Lassie. No word yet on whether Falcon will move in.

The dog palace, a spokesman pointed out, contains “murals depicting antique bookcases filled with Lassie’s ball collection” as well as photos of his/her favorite industry friends, “including Rin Tin Tin and Flipper.”

Conspicuously absent, though, were shots of Morris the Cat. She and Lassie feuded for years.

MiscelLAny:

A car or truck is stolen in L.A. at the rate of one every eight minutes.