This One Is Guaranteed for Good Horse Laugh

The Kentucky Derby is upon us again, bringing to mind the story about the Brooklyn Dodgers and their desperate search for talent during World War II.

At one spring camp, a horse walked up to Manager Leo Durocher and said, “Understand you need ballplayers. Can you use a .480 hitter?”

“Are you kidding,” Durocher said. “Grab a stick.”

The horse stepped into the batting cage, and Durocher threw him five pitches. All five were hit out of the park.

“You can hit,” Durocher conceded, “but how about fielding?”

“I’m a great shortstop,” the horse said.

Durocher sent him out to short and hit him some grounders. The horse fielded them all effortlessly.

“All right,” Durocher said, “now let’s see you run the bases.”

“Run?” said the horse. “If I could run, I wouldn’t be here. I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”

Add Derby: Then there’s the one about the couple who stood before the divorce judge. The wife said: “Your honor, my husband isn’t interested in me. All he talks about from morning to night is horses. He doesn’t even remember our wedding day.”

Said the husband: “That’s a lie. We got married the day Foolish Pleasure won the Kentucky Derby.”

Trivia time: Who is the only man to ride and train winners in the Kentucky Derby?

Quick fix: After going hitless in three at-bats Saturday in a loss to UCLA, USC outfielder Mike Robertson went to assistant coach Bill Hughes and said, “I’d like to take some early batting practice tomorrow.”

“Be there at 9:30,” said Hughes.

Robertson was. That afternoon, he went four for four with two home runs and five RBIs as the Trojans beat the Bruins, 7-5.

Homecoming: As the last player taken in the draft, tight end Demetrius Davis of the Raiders will be treated to a round of festivities by the Balboa Bay Club at Newport Beach during Irrelevant Week starting June 24. Among the treats will be a night at a casino in Reno.

Davis is from Nevada Reno.

Add irrelevance: This is the 15th Irrelevant Week. It was the brainchild of former USC and San Francisco 49er end Paul Salata. The motto is: “Irrelevant Week Means Doing Something Nice for Someone for No Reason.” The award for the nonorees is the Lowsman Trophy.

Out of the can: From Montreal pitcher Oil Can Boyd: “The most important thing for me to do is to go out and do what I like to do, and that’s harmonate. Everything else is irrelevant.”

He then went out and harmonated the St. Louis Cardinals.

Trivia answer: Johnny Longden rode Count Fleet in 1943 and trained Majestic Prince in 1969.

Quotebook: Hall of Fame outfielder Duke Snider, on baseball’s inflated salaries: “Man, if I made a million dollars, I would come in at 6 in the morning, sweep the stands, wash the uniforms, clean out the offices, manage the team and play the game.”