What in the World Is All the Hubble Hubbub About?

HUBBA-HUBBA: Uh . . . So this is it, huh? The Hubble Space Telescope snaps a picture of a fuzzy space dot

not to be confused with slightly more fuzzy dot shot from earth--and NASA astronomers go into orbit. “It’s quite an image-fantastic,” says a Hubble honcho. “We are just pleased as punch at this point.” Gee, me too. Except for $1.5 billion, you’d think it would come with double prints.

TEEN-AGE MUTANT MEDFLIES: The first of the sterile Mediterranean fruit flies is buzzing around Orange County. Agriculture officials have dyed them pink, undoubtedly after years of research about what really turns flies on. I’m not sure about the details, but as I understand it, the plan calls for the deceptively sexual steriles to lure the fertiles into an amorous embrace and voila ! Safe sex whether they like it or not.

This is progressive thinking. Now if only the governor could think as creatively about financing family planning clinics.

BUT MOMMY, IT’S ONLY PRETEND: Sixteen-year-old Ariel defies father, runs away from home, is snookered in business deal, brings bodily harm to father, but it’s all worth it because she eventually gets her guy. Check it out: “The Little Mermaid,” now a Disney sensation in video.

SNAKES, BUT NO SNAKES: Mike Courtney, who lives in Orange, thinks the City Council should let him keep B.C., his 10-foot boa constrictor, at home. Seems B.C. has grown longer than a city ordinance allows. Courtney argues that if the council relaxes its ordinance, other snake owners would “come out of the woodwork” instead of harboring their snakes illegally.

Hissss . No offense intended, Mike, but I’d just as soon all those snakes stayed in the woodwork. Or under a rock, in the desert, where even a developer dare not tread. Or in a jungle, far far away, beyond the travel itinerary of even the most intrepid yuppie vacationer.

ONE FOR THE BIRDS: And speaking of Orange . . . the City Council recently voted to lift restrictions on the number of pet birds residents may keep. This is thanks to Lou and Delores Palush, whom I wrote about months ago. Makes me want to crow.

THE SHOCKING S-WORD: If another radio or TV announcer tells me that we’re in for a day of hazy sunshine around the Southland, I’ll scream. Smog. Just say it. That’s what it is.

AND THE TWAIN SHALL PEAK: So maybe tonight we’ll find out who killed coke head, gal-about-town and all-around beautiful person Laura Palmer on the season finale of Twin Peaks. Or will we? Or is Laura really dead? It could all be a dream, you know. Laura could really be Arnold Palmer’s daughter, hit with a golf ball on the driving range and knocked unconscious, a la Newhart. Twin Peaks may be Munchkin Land, or Hooterville. Or it could be a cast hallucination brought on by a sugar overdose.

I know, of course. Agent Cooper’s been telling me everything, on tape, from the start. But don’t think I’m going to ruin the surprise now .

AD INFINITUM: The sea . . . shoosh. The gulls . . . caw, caw. The fog moves in, heavy, fecund with its white silence. The Zen of advertising. We were supposed to know that it was a car they were selling, the Infiniti. Well now the car company has a new ad. It, too, goes on and on and on. We see a car, presumably the Infiniti, going up a street and down a street. Up, down, up, down. The announcer even says that. It’s annoying, it’s repetitive, it’s boring . . . ah, yes, Zen master. It’s what infinity is all about.

GET THOSE EXCUSES IN ORDER: About 15 sea lions have washed up on Orange County shores over the past two weeks. Not to worry, says a biologist with the National Marine Fisheries Service. “If it keeps building to, let’s say, about 50 in two weeks,” he goes on, “then we can say it’s because of some commercial fishing.” Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess. Gang warfare at sea? Mass suicide sparked by word of a Sea World roundup?

THE DEVIL RAISED THE RENT: The Rev. Robert H. Schuller is putting out the word to the faithful to hand over $3.2 million so he can keep his “Hour of Power” on the air. Here’s a radical idea. How about donating the same amount to charity for a better return on your money?

Dianne Klein’s column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Klein by writing to her at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7406.