Game Can’t Begin Until the Lady Sings

Wednesday at Jack Murphy Stadium, the San Diego Padres will put on their annual “Working Women’s Day” promotion. Who better to sing the national anthem than Roseanne Barr?

Tom Werner, Padres’ managing general partner, happens to be co-creator of “Roseanne,” Barr’s television series. But before anyone makes a sarcastic remark in nasal tones, remember that singing is part of Roseanne’s new standup act.

Ron Seaver, Padres’ public relations director, said he’s not worried. “If she didn’t think that she could do a good job, she would not have accepted Tom Werner’s offer,” Seaver said.

“She’s probably in her shower right now warming up.”

Dialing for ducats: Chicago Cub pitcher Rick Sutcliffe, a notorious practical joker, last week found himself on the other end of the gag.

Friends and teammates designed and paid $7,000 for a billboard showing a high school yearbook picture of Sutcliffe wearing shoulder-length hair. Alongside the picture was an invitation to call his home phone for game tickets.

“They’ll pay for this,” Sutcliffe said. “I’ve got some ideas, but I don’t think I should reveal them right now.”

The conspirators were Sutcliffe’s wife, Robin, actor Mark Harmon, agent Barry Axelrod, Mark Grace of the Cubs, and Wally Joyner and Bert Blyleven of the Angels.

Trivia time: Who holds the American League rookie records for batting average and hits in one season?

World Cup Mass: Monsignor Lorenzo Bertolino, pastor of Salvatore Consacrata al Crocefisso parish in Palermo, Sicily, will say a Mass on Aug. 6 to celebrate the tournament-high six goals scored by Palermo’s Salvatore Schillaci of Italy’s third-place World Cup team.

Said Bertolino: “I had the idea when I saw on TV how Schillaci made the sign of the cross with his hands after every goal he scored. He is called Salvatore, just like my church, his mother is a devout Christian. A Mass to give thanks for so many goals at the soccer World Cup seemed proper.”

Equipment Czech: If the Hartford Whalers were monitoring every development during the peaceful Czech revolution of 1989, it was for more than humanitarian reasons.

Bobby Holik, the Whalers’ top pick in last year’s draft, was a soldier in the Czechoslovak army.

But the Whalers didn’t need to worry. Holik, who signed a four-year, $800,000 contract with the team in March and was released from the army on June 30, said he touched a gun only five times and fired one only once.

“I shoot badly,” said Holik, who will join the Whalers for the coming season. “I shoot the puck better.”

South Bronx Blues: To a Yankee fan, the word “harmonica” conjures memories of a less-troubled time, when Manager Yogi Berra quarreled with shortstop Phil Linz because Linz played his harmonica on the team bus after a tough loss.

Now comes the news that Yankee first baseman Don Mattingly has taken up playing the harmonica . . . to help take his mind off baseball. Mattingly, whose season has been anything but harmonic, says playing the instrument relaxes him. He takes it on road trips and plays in his hotel room.

Maybe he should play it on the bus.

That’ll be $100: Golfer Brad Lardon, who plays on the Ben Hogan Tour, told Associated Press about how he has improved his putting this year.

Said Lardon: “Jack Burke of the Champions Golf Club in Houston gave me a great putting tip. He told me to use a five-iron and chip 100 balls on the green and around the hole. When I made 100 in a row I was told to come back for lesson No. 2.”

Trivia answer: Shoeless Joe Jackson, .408 and 233 hits in 1911.

Quotebook: Former light-heavyweight champion Archie Moore, when asked how he avoided physical or mental damage: “I practiced the art of escapology.”