From Heaven to Hell: a <i> Hibakusha’s</i> Story

Kaz Suyeisha, below, was an 18-year-old resident of Hiroshima when the atomic bomb was dropped. She is a former president of the Southern California chapter of the Committee for Atomic Bomb Survivors, and served as technical consultant on the film, “Hiroshima: Out of the Ashes,” which airs on KNBC Channel 4 tonight at 9.

I am hibakusha. That means atomic bomb survivor. I am 63 years old.

I used to try to forget about my own experience. Remembering brought too much pain, and nightmares, almost a nervous breakdown. But it’s most difficult to forget. Your inside heart has a deep inside scar. And this scar will never disappear until you die.

I will tell you what happened, for a peace education. Because I want no more hibakusha.

It was a beautiful blue sky. Just like a long time ago in Los Angeles. A clear day. And I did see the B-29, the American airplane.

People used to call the B-29 “B-san”--it’s a nice cute nickname. It was a very innocent airplane. We used to call it “the angel.” The only difference is that 45 years ago today, this angel left a white spot in the beautiful blue sky. And you knew it was a bomb.

I was noticing this white spot was coming down and I thought, “Oh my God, it’s a parachute.” I thought an American pilot was coming down all by himself. Then all of a sudden there was a powerful flash, like when you shoot a picture, only a thousand times more powerful. Then I used both hands and tried to cover the eye, tried to cover the ear. After that I don’t remember. The house collapsed on top of my body--that’s why I wasn’t burned. It was right in the city of Hiroshima, a mile from Target Radius.

My father was in the middle of the garden, no shade or anything, so he had third-degree burns. He suffered until he died. It was so ugly. The whole family became radiation sick, but we didn’t know what it was.

The same day we had the black rain. Black rain is radiation ashes mixed with rain. It was still daytime.

The whole family was heavily injured but we were somehow struggling to survive. We had no medical aid. Somehow the people helped each other, healed each other, loved each other. Without that, I don’t think we would have survived.

Even after the bomb dropped I remembered it was a moment ago a beautiful sky and the angel was flying the blue sky, just like heaven at peace. And then it changed all of a sudden, heaven to hell.

For a while it was silent. And then I heard, “Help me, help me.” That was my father.

In the neighborhood, everybody joined in front of our house, and we all looked at each other, shocked. Everybody was injured. And nobody knew what happened. Everybody thought it was a small bomb dropped right in front of their house, in their yard. We didn’t know there was just one bomb. We didn’t know The Bomb was going to fall.

The city was completely destroyed. My father used to have a big property with a big yard, and across the street he had income property. The fire stopped just at my father’s income property. It was damaged, but we had the lumber. So we used it to build a temporary home. We had no nails, nothing, no hammer, nothing.

Friends from the countryside started bringing food. Everybody shared. Instead of having one piece of food, you could make a stew and you could share with many people.

I came back to the U.S. in 1949 to study fashion design. Then I went back to Japan and came back again three years later to marry my husband.

A lot of people say, “You must be angry at the Americans because they dropped the bomb.” Why should I? I cannot hate America. This country is my father, Japan my mother. I was born in this country, Pasadena. That’s why I never called the people “enemy.” This is my own country. If I hate, I hate war. Not the country, not the people.

Hating each other, hating other people, that’s how they started the war. And I don’t want war. No way.

When I got the phone call to help with the movie, at first I didn’t say yes. I had to find out what kind of movie, find out if it was too political. We don’t like people calling just to use us. But I met the producers and I agreed.

The memory came back when I was making the movie. The memory came back and I would cry every day. I told everybody, please call me mama-san. I was not comfortable with my title, consultant. I used to tell Peter-san (director Peter Werner), “You sure make a mama-san cry every single day.” And believe me, I really cried every single day.

But now my tear is happy. This movie is the dream come true. All the children with the family sitting down in front of the TV and watching, and you don’t need any explanation.

So many people asked, “Why do you show horrible things? You shouldn’t show horrible things.” Well, how can you keep this world at peace without any peace education?

I am not proud to be hibakusha. No more hibakusha.

Peace.