Whoooo Says?: American witches in New York...

Whoooo Says?: American witches in New York Monday predicted that Sen. Jesse Helms (R-N.C.) and Oliver L. North will record a rap album attacking the Soviet Union and the National Endowment for the Arts. The witches, associated with the New York Center for the Strange, forecast shortages of volleyballs, garlic and chopsticks. Not only that, Donald Trump will franchise a pizza chain called The Don.

Still Hunting: World War II isn’t over for Nazi hunter Beate Klarsfeld. “We are surrounded by the images of all the children, the faces of these tiny beings, deported to their atrocious fate,” Klarsfeld said recently in Detroit. “They won’t disappear as long as their executioners escape justice.” Klarsfeld says her current target is Adolf Eichmann assistant Alois Brunner.

Butt of Jokes: While cartoonist Garry Trudeau is burning cigarette makers in his “Doonesbury” strip for shipping free smokes to U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf, Philip Morris and the USO sent 100,000 packages of food and other products Monday to troops in the region. The packages contained cassette tapes, candy, and powdered coffee and soft drinks. Philip Morris says its current shipments contain no cigarettes.

Is That Clear?: It is normal procedure for highway traffic to be cleared for Vice President Dan Quayle’s motorcade. But last week, while cruising toward Boston and causing rush hour traffic jams at turnpike entrances, Quayle used his limousine telephone to call a radio call-in program with this traffic report: “My lane’s clear.”