Lease on Life : Housemates Can Ease Loneliness and Financial Burden
Dick Hanna is a free-spirited 63-year-old who loves being single but hates living alone.
No problem. Shortly after his divorce 12 years ago, the retired engineer discovered that there’s no shortage in Orange County of people looking for a home to share.
Rather than allowing the high cost of housing drive them out of a county that offers amenities as diverse as the beach, baseball and ballet, many singles--and even some couples--are opting for cohabitation with a roommate or housemate.
And many are finding that such arrangements can offer far more than a financial break. With landlords like Hanna, who wants to come home to a friendly face instead of an empty house, companionship is a natural extension of the rental agreement.
Chris DeMassa, owner of the Roommate Connection in Costa Mesa, says most of the 12,000 or so Orange County residents who have used his referral service since 1986 have sought a shared living arrangement to reduce their housing costs so they could afford to remain here. But, he adds, friendships frequently grow out of good matches.
His company, which provides roommate referrals for a $79 fee that buys 60 days of service but no guarantees, tries to determine compatibility through a personality questionnaire. DeMassa says most of his clients are single professionals with no children or pets who don’t smoke and can pay up to $470 a month in rent (the average rent for an apartment in the county is $770, according to Research Network in Laguna Hills). The average age of DeMassa’s clients is 30, and 55% are women.
Finding a match for both men and women is made easier, DeMassa says, by the fact that most will accept a roommate of the opposite sex.
While services such as the Roommate Connection help clients avoid the crank calls that may result from advertising, some people feel more comfortable finding roommates through their own network of friends.
Among them is Lili Laksberger, a 59-year-old Huntington Beach resident who began sharing her home to help reduce expenses after her marriage broke up in 1982. Most of her housemates have been single friends, but for the past three years, a married couple she has known for many years has lived with her.
Matthew and Bertha Bullock, who moved to Southern California from Pennsylvania shortly after retiring in 1982, found the real estate market here so steep that they decided to rent instead of buy and to spend part of each year at their Florida condo. Living with Laksberger not only helps them financially, it also frees them to go to Florida for extended periods without worrying about the possessions they leave behind, Matthew Bullock says.
The arrangement is working, Bertha Bullock notes, because “we all get along well together.” And, her husband adds, because they openly discussed their expectations with Laksberger before they began living together.
Laksberger says that having the seventysomething Bullocks in her home gives her a sense of family. “They’re like an uncle and aunt to me,” she says.
They invite each other to dinner parties and include each other in family gatherings. And they help each other in small but significant ways. Laksberger, for example, always has groceries waiting for the Bullocks when they return from a trip, and Matthew Bullock does odd jobs around the house, such as building bookshelves for the study they all share.
Laksberger is so eager for her housemates to feel completely at home that she even consulted with them about what colors to use when she decided to redecorate.
Their day-to-day living arrangements are “very casual,” says Laksberger, who enjoys the company of housemates so much that having one take off without paying the two months’ rent he owed didn’t deter her from trying again. “We try to be thoughtful of each other, and if we step on each other’s toes, we say so.”
Like Laksberger, Fritzi Berkowitz turned to roommates to ease her financial situation after a divorce. A 52-year-old quality engineer at McDonnell Douglas in Huntington Beach, Berkowitz has been rooming with acquaintances or friends of friends for about nine years.
By coincidence, her roommates have all been men, and--though she is warm, open and attractive--she says she has never had trouble maintaining platonic relationships with them.
Today she is the roommate who keeps Dick Hanna from having to come home to an empty house. They’ve shared the same social circle for years, but they became close friends after Berkowitz moved into Hanna’s spacious house in Orange in 1988.
Living with Hanna is almost like having a place of her own, Berkowitz says, because he made it clear from the start that she was welcome to share the entire house, not just the bedroom and bathroom she rents for $350 a month, plus half the utility costs. (The “no shoes please” sign on their front door reflects Hanna’s desire for a laid-back atmosphere that helps guests as well as roommates feel at home.)
Hanna and Berkowitz often go their separate ways because she works full time and he travels a lot, but when they’re home, they enjoy early morning talks over coffee, play backgammon and share informal meals in a room filled with soft, oversized pillows.
“When I first started this mode of living, it was because of economic reasons; now it’s because I think this is a great way to live,” Berkowitz says. “I like participating in the day-to-day upkeep of the house because it’s more fun to do it with someone than by myself--especially when they own the house and I don’t have to worry about maintenance and repairs. And it’s nice to know that there is someone home when I want company.”
Adds Hanna, who doesn’t want a roommate who isn’t interested in friendship: “I like having someone to share time and space with. I like to be involved with their life. I don’t want to just wave to them as they come and go.”
Although his mother doesn’t approve, his roommates have all been women, he says, because he likes their “energy” and finds them more willing than men to be open and share their lives. He admits that he has had roommates with whom he became sexually involved, but he’s learned that sex can upend a living arrangement if both aren’t interested in pursuing the relationship.
Hanna has had roommates who weren’t compatible because they were sloppy even by his relaxed standards. (DeMassa says the most common problem he’s seen among roommates is a difference in housekeeping habits.) And both Hanna and Berkowitz admit that they too have their disagreements about housekeeping (she wants to hire help; he doesn’t). But their relationship works because they like each other and share the same interests--including a devotion to the Rams--and because they took time before she moved in to establish basic ground rules in a written agreement.
The agreement says, for example, that they are equally responsible for keeping the house clean but that he is responsible for repairs and general maintenance. It also states that each will buy a fair share of food, though they are both free to help themselves to whatever is in the kitchen.
The agreement gives Berkowitz the right to end the rental arrangement without any notice but requires Hanna to give her 30 days’ notice if he wants her to leave. And it gives Hanna the right to bring in another roommate, although he says he wouldn’t do that without consulting Berkowitz.
Their talks before she moved in also covered how they feel about house guests, sex, drugs and smoking. They even admitted their worst habits. And they agreed that when their doors are closed, they will respect each other’s privacy, while an open door is an invitation to talk.
They didn’t find out until later that Berkowitz likes to conserve energy by putting on a sweater when it’s cold instead of turning up the heat, while Hanna likes to keep the house warm. But they’ve made a game out of taking turns adjusting the thermostat. Such small differences don’t get in the way, Hanna says, because they agree on the big things, and whenever there’s a conflict, they talk.
Having a roommate is like a marriage, Hanna notes, because it takes a lot of negotiating and open communication to make it work.
But like a marriage, a good roommate relationship can be fulfilling as well as challenging.
“I can’t imagine not being in this kind of situation,” says Berkowitz. “I love it.”
