Guardian of the King’s English Slaps Grammar Into the Guilty
R. Peter Mitchell of La Jolla heard Tina Turner hawking Chryslers on television by saying something about “who said you don’t get no respect?”
He gave Chrysler Corp. a SLAP.
He read about the Disney movie “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.” SLAP.
He heard McDonald’s doing a commercial tie-in with “Honey . . . “ SLAP. (And one to San Diego’s Joan Kroc, too).
He heard a San Diego car dealer say “it don’t make no difference.” And he read a headline in the San Diego County Edition of The Times: “Geography Teacher Shows Where It’s At.”
SLAP. SLAP.
Mitchell, 69, a retired mechanical engineer from General Dynamics/Convair, is the guiding spirit of Stop Lingual Abuse, Please.
When he hears or sees a particularly egregious violation of the mother tongue, he dashes off a (“Yours for better grammar.”) letter awarding the perpetrator a SLAP.
He does not see himself as some linguistic Pecksniff mercilessly policing even minor infractions. He accepts an occasional bit of pronoun confusion or subject-verb disagreement.
But he draws the line--and awards a SLAP--for errors inflicted as attention-getters, particularly those that are likely to assault the eyes and ears of children.
His experience running a stamp and coin shop convinced him that the youth of America is being rendered unintelligible by poor use of language.
“Many of the children couldn’t explain themselves, couldn’t phrase questions and answers correctly,” Mitchell said. “We’re abusing our children by teaching them to mimic erroneous speech.”
So far, none of the corporate recipients of a SLAP has responded.
Undaunted, Mitchell branched out to give a SLAP to Nabisco for its Jell-O advertisement suggesting that children eat the slippery stuff with their hands.
“Cultural abuse,” he explained.
Seeking a Steady Income
Money everywhere.
* Return to sender.
A scamster snatched a U.S. Mail deposit box, painted it silver, and plunked it down in front of the Great American Bank in Lemon Grove.
Plus a sign saying the bank’s night-deposit slot is broken so just put your money in here.
But, before the scamster could return to reap his ill-gotten gains, the box drew the attention of a sharp-eyed cop.
Two deposits have now been returned to their rightful owners. Postal inspectors, unamused at the misuse of federal property, are on the case.
* The check is in the mail.
Refunds are arriving for people who put down a $50 deposit last year toward season tickets when, and if, former Harlem Globetrotter Mannie Jackson could get a National Basketball Assn. franchise for San Diego.
The dream died quietly. No letter, no explanation, just the check.
* Read my lips.
Among the attorneys suing Milli Vanilli is San Diego’s class-action specialist William S. Lerach, whose past targets include SDG&E;, Imperial Savings & Loan, Rancho Bernardo’s Oak Industries and assorted high tech firms.
Lerach alleges that the “vocal non-performance” of Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan inflicted pain and suffering on millions of duped teen-agers and subteens.
He wants all profits from Milli’s albums and concerts seized.
Coast-to-Coast Unity
It’s news to me.
* To show solidarity with strikers at the New York Daily News, members of the San Diego Newspaper Guild picketed Tuesday outside the (Escondido) Times-Advocate.
The tie: both the T-A and Daily News are owned by the Chicago Tribune.
* Kate Callen is resigning as United Press International bureau chief in San Diego to head the public information office at the University of San Diego.
She leaves just as the struggling wire service imposes a 30% pay cut.
