Some Funny Things Are Going On at San Diego Condo Complexes

Ready for a last bit of good-will-toward-men before heading into the self-absorption of New Year’s?

Meet the Litehearts (yes, that’s their real name) of San Marcos: Joe & Gayle, the condominium performers.

The Litehearts also take their brand of upbeat comedy and TV satire to block parties, senior centers, shopping centers, parades (Joe was Santa in the Mira Mesa Christmas Parade) and resorts (Warner Springs Ranch). They’re talking to a cruise line.

But forget the Comedy Store or the lounge at Las Vegas.

The Litehearts figure the condominium complex recreation room is still their most desirable venue.

“It’s definitely a wave that’s going to hit big,” said Joe, 35, who got bit with the performing bug while working as a Gray Line driver in Hollywood.

The chipper couple has done gigs at condo complexes in San Diego, Vista, Oceanside, Escondido and Rancho Bernardo. They’re signing up clients for return performances: mixers, holiday bashes, end-of-summer parties, etc.

They do a mock murder mystery, with parts for the guests, including a guy who bores people to death with bad poetry. A TV jibe called “The Price Is Close Enough.” One called “Amazing Bingo.”

They have a Fourth of July routine (they’re big on patriotism). And one for St. Patrick’s Day.

They’ll even throw in a wedding (they’re ordained ministers). Or do benefits (Save Blue Bird Canyon From Trash).

A condo complex in Clairemont hired the Litehearts for a party to lift the spirits of residents shaken by the specter of a serial killer in their neighborhood.

Is there a living in door-to-door heartwarming stuff? At $75 to $300 per show?

“We haven’t had to take a day job in two years,” Joe said.

In show business, that’s called success.

Meanwhile, on the Home Front . . .

The home front.

* A few good boas.

The North County Humane Society in Oceanside now has a foster home service for pets left behind by Marines from Camp Pendleton sent to Saudi Arabia. So far, 150 homes.

Dogs and cats are easy to place. Snakes take longer.

* Santee singer Chase Jonathan Jazzborne has recorded “A Message for GI Joe”:

Don’t you die for me

If there’s a fight, remember we have SUPERIORITY!

Just stay on guard . . .

* A dozen Navy ships supporting Operation Desert Shield were built or outfitted at Nassco in San Diego, including two hospital ships.

* Members of the Solana Beach-based Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of San Dieguito are wearing white ribbons to symbolize their hope for a peaceful settlement.

* A peace vigil is held each Saturday morning at the downtown post office in Carlsbad.

* The Navy is putting off-limits to sailors and Marines any stores in San Diego thought to be ripping off Saudi-bound troops.

The Sound and the Fury

Here and there.

* An angry homeowner in Encinitas made a citizen’s arrest on a guy operating one of those big blowers/sweepers early Sunday morning in a shopping center parking lot.

Local ordinance bans the noisy monsters on Sunday.

* The Sierra Club “report card” on San Diego City Council members turned into a fiasco of charges and countercharges about how the grades were done.

But that hasn’t stopped other interest groups from wanting to join the fun.

Both Prevent Los Angelization Now and the Building Industry Assn. plan similar report cards.

* A for candor; F for lifestyle.

Panhandler in Horton Plaza Park: “I need a dollar so I can get drunk.”

* Best card of the season: from the San Diego Fire Department’s Hazardous Materials Team.

Shows Santa measuring gas emission levels from Rudolph. In honor of a new federal law on who can put what into the air.