NEW AND NOT SO USEFUL : 1990 IN REVIEW : Items Necessity Didn’t Mother

Does a pregnant woman really want a plaster cast to remember what her belly looked like before her child was born? And if so, what will she do with it? Bronze it along with the baby’s first pair of shoes? Cover it with polyurethane and make a salad bowl?

What would a waiter in your favorite restaurant do if you whipped out a Waiter Lite and set it on the table to signal him that you wanted service, pronto?

And would your dog actually live in a “truly elegant pet home”? One that looks like a French chateau or a mansion from “Gone With the Wind”--and that costs anywhere from $1,500 to $10,000?

Well-intentioned inventors spend thousands of hours, and, in most cases, thousands of dollars trying to get their ideas off the drawing board. Sometimes they work and sometimes, well . . . .

Looking back on another year, we offer you 10 products--for people and pets--whose time never quite came, at least in 1990. They’re in no specific order.

Dr. Stork’s Original Pregnant Tummy Cast Kit, developed by a Sherman Oaks couple, purports to be “an ideal gift for baby showers” because “it allows guests to create a three-dimensional trophy for the mom-to-be, preserving her tummy size and shape for posterity.” Just apply gauze and plaster of Paris to the expectant mother’s stomach and in about 20 minutes, she’ll have an authentic tummy mold. It takes about an hour to dry.

What she does with it after that is anybody’s guess. At one shower, the press release reported, guests autographed the finished cast.

Freeway Frenzy Fighter, alternate route maps for Los Angeles and Orange Country freeways, could be just the ticket for Southern California drivers: The map is easy to read. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t have adequate alternative escape routes if you’re stuck in a freeway traffic jam.

Anybody who has driven the Hollywood Freeway at rush hour knows that the alternate to a crowd there is not Ventura Boulevard. It will be bumper to bumper on that heavily traveled surface street as well. And as for an alternate route to the Glendale Freeway, who needs it? The Glendale Freeway is one of Los Angeles’ best-kept secrets, anyway.

Inventor Steve Bennett’s instinct was right. Too bad the escape routes weren’t. But then again, he lives and drives in Orange County.

It might be one thing if restaurant owners installed a Waiter Lite on each table so customers could page their waiter or waitress when they wanted something. A small fiber-optic light on a thin rod with a circular base, Waiter Lite is not bad looking. Still, we don’t think it will turn on patrons at L’Orangerie, Patina, Citrus and points west.

But can you imagine what a waiter, especially a surly one, would say if you brought one in, plunked it down on your table and turned it on to get faster service?

You might not get service again.

However, representatives of Roher Industries Restaurant Division, which markets the product, say that individual consumers have bought the light as a novelty gift for friends who are always crabby about service.

The toothpaste tube was a fabulous idea. Not so the Toothpaste House.

Toothpaste House is a cumbersome-looking holder with a lid that houses your toothpaste tube and up to four brushes. When you turn a knob at the side of the device, it squeezes paste out on the brush. An adhesive backing attaches the holder to a wall near your sink.

The plastic holder might eliminate fights about squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle, not at the end, but somehow it just seems too much bother.

Among the hundreds of pet products offered this year, several seemed to take a reasonable concept a bit too far.

With the nation’s streets filled with people who don’t have any kind of roof over their heads or who live in cardboard boxes, Pet Homes from Tallmark seem garishly excessive for Fido.

They are ultra-fancy dog houses that resemble American classic homes, French chateaux, deluxe French chateaux (these have patterned copper roofs and twin dormer windows), Royal Windsors, New England cottages, Georgian mansions, English Tudors, Swiss chalets and Spanish Colonials.

If you want luxury options, you can add marble or hardwood floors, stained glass windows and wallpaper. Custom-designed cushions come in Ultrasuede, silk, leather, wool or cotton.

Pet Homes are available for small, medium and large-sized canines, or can be customized for huge dogs such as Irish Wolfhounds or Briards. Depending on the size and opulence, they range in price from $1,500 to $10,000.

There’s a model for cats, too, called Top Cat, which includes “a towering majestic perch and secluded alcoves for quiet times.” An indoor cat might like it, but a tree limb seems better for outdoors.

If you live in earthquake country, it’s an excellent idea to include emergency provisions for your pets--food for dogs and cats, cat litter, a warm cover or blanket, and even first aid supplies. All dogs and cats should have tags that include their name, your name, address and phone number in case they are lost.

But the Animal Aftershock’s Earthquake Survival Kit for Pets passes precaution by three giant steps. The case contains 26 items, including a care booklet and audio instruction tape. But what to do with a doggie or kitty toothbrush when the shaking has stopped? Most pets who need their teeth cleaned must have it done under anesthesia by a vet.

Developed by Jeffrey Werber, a West Los Angeles veterinarian, and Steven May, owner of Pet Limo, the animal earthquake kit seems excessive in price, too, ranging from $49.99 to $129.99.

City Joggy Bag is small polyester pouch with a zipper that slips over your dog’s collar so it can carry your keys and cash while you’re both out exercising.

The pooch pouch presumes that you want to make your pet a beast of burden, or that the animal is extremely well-behaved and won’t run off when the neighbor’s poodle comes tripping down the street.

Anyone for a canine tennis caddy?

Here’s a shaggy sheep story. If you’re having trouble sleeping, especially during the stressful holidays, a New York company offers insomniacs “Count Sheep,” a paperback book with 65,000 images of sheep “in convenient rows and columns for counting.”

Honest. And Canetti Inc. has just come out with a handy Travel Edition, a mini-book you can slip in your suitcase and take on vacation. It offers 28,000 sheep.

And if that’s not enough to get you started counting imaginary cows jumping over the moon, the marketing firm also has made available the Count Sheep Cassette, featuring “30 minutes of slow, methodical sheep counting from ‘one sheep’ to. . . . You will be in never-never land well before the tape concludes.”

And your light bill will be higher and your neck stiff from sitting up in bed till 3 a.m.

Sunlid is a plastic disc--9 1/2 inches in diameter--on a gooseneck pole that’s supposed to take the place of a hat, visor or beach umbrella.

Its inventor says the odd-looking device, which comes with a clip at the bottom so it can be attached to a beach chair or golf cart, “is a must for sun-sensitive people who want to enjoy outdoor leisure activity, or for those who just wish to cut down the sun’s sometimes annoying glare.”

Sunlid also comes with a suction-cup so you can affix it to the side window in your car. Then you can get ready to tell the highway patrol officer that it really doesn’t obstruct your field of vision.

Probably due to the American presence in Saudia Arabia, maps and globes have been hot sellers this holiday season, marketing representatives say. But Mapwrap?

This is wrapping paper that contains four 20x30-inch sheets of world maps that are beautifully printed on recycled paper and geographically correct. Its marketers say the “new gift wrap with global image reflects global concern.”

That’s all well and good. But what if your package is small and Qatar ends up under the fold or you eliminate Botswana with one cut of the scissors?

Besides, in most households on Christmas morning, wrapping paper doesn’t last 10 seconds before it’s in the trash bag. What a shame to tear up a map that fast.

The Vermont firm’s better idea is Mapwrap note cards--six map note cards with envelopes for $5.95, plus $2 for postage and handling.

WHERE TO FIND THOSE NOT-SO-USEFUL ITEMS

In case some of these products are more appealing to you than they are to us, here’s more information:

Dr. Stork’s Original Pregnant Tummy Cast Kit ($19.95, plus $3 shipping and handling) comes in a plastic, reusable pail containing plaster, gauze, pink and blue ribbons and marking pens. It’s sold by F.C. Scobie Inc., 11684 Ventura Blvd., Suite 468, Studio City, Calif. 91604; (818) 784-5313.

Freeway Frenzy Fighter ($3.95, plus 90 postage) is a product of Bennett Enterprises, P.O. Box 270, Huntington Beach, Calif. 92647.

Waiter Lite (basic light, retail about $39.95) operates on two penlight batteries. Optional items include a condiment-holding base, a flower vase and an anti-theft tether wall mount bracket. Contact Roher Industries Restaurant Division, 2808 S. Willis, Santa Ana, Calif. 92705; (800) 848-8110.

Toothpaste House ($9.95, plus $2.50 shipping and handling) comes from TTH Co., 6114 Cahuenga Blvd., 4B, North Hollywood, Calif. 91606.

Pet Homes are by Tallmark, P.O. Box 816, 4040 Earnings Way, New Albany, Ind. 47150; (812) 945-4383.

Animal Aftershock’s Earthquake Survival Kit for Pets is sold by mail through Pet Limo/Century Veterinary Group, 8600 Venice Blvd., Los Angeles, Calif. 90034; (213) 651-LIMO or (213) 559-2500.

City Joggy Bag (about $5.99) is sold at pet stores nationwide and can be found here at For Pets Only stores on La Brea and Hillhurst avenues.

“Count Sheep” paperback (about $7), Travel Edition and cassette ($5 each) are sold nationwide in selected bookshops and department stores. There’s also a combined gift set of the Travel Edition/Cassette for about $10.

Sunlids ($6.99 each, plus $1.50 for shipping and handling) are sold through Bird Rock Marketing, Dept. LAT, 6986 La Jolla Blvd. Suite 205, La Jolla, Calif. 92037.

Mapwrap gift wrap ($4.95 for four sheets) is produced by Northern Cartographic, P.O. Box 133, Burlington, Vt. 05402; (802) 860-2886. It’s carried by the Nature Co., Doubleday Bookstores, Urban Outfitters and Bloomingdale’s.

For the best ideas of 1990, see Page E6.