MAKING IT WORK : Ways in Which Couples Can Ease Stress of Money Conflicts

The war in the Persian Gulf is intensifying battles on the home front between couples in conflict over money.

“Financial stress is at an all-time high. If the relationship is a bit shaky, it’s going to get worse,” says Victoria Felton-Collins, a certified financial planner in Irvine.

People were already tense because of the recession, and the war has exacerbated their fear of the unknown, says Felton-Collins, who has a doctorate in psychology.

Don’t let these events you can’t control paralyze you, she advises. “Think about what you would be doing if there were no war--reducing debt, saving for retirement or your kids’ college education. Then you have the feeling you are moving forward.”

And if financial stress is taking its toll on your marriage, Felton-Collins suggests you try the following:

* Identify any unmet needs in your relationship or other parts of your life that might be causing you to mismanage your money.

* Set aside time to really listen to each other so you can better understand how your spouse feels about the way money should be handled and why.

* Have a state-of-the-finances meeting with your mate to figure out where you stand. Then start meeting weekly or monthly to talk about money. If you communicate regularly, you can deal with problems before they turn into crises.

* Set goals for the future and decide how much you need to save each month to meet them.

* Reverse roles. Take turns handling the household bookkeeping every six months so you both know what’s coming in and what’s going out and either one of you could take over easily in a crisis.

* Don’t blame your partner for sloppy finances. Work together and share the responsibility. If you’re both too busy to do the bookkeeping, hire a professional to keep your finances in order. That will ease the stress on your relationship.