Minimizing Maxims : Remember: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder. So: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

MOST FOLK SAYINGS are not true.

We have all pondered the apparent irreconcilability of such aphorisms as “Look before you leap” and “He who hesitates is lost.”

Well, which is it?

Obviously, some aphorisms work in some situations but not in others. One is properly advised not to dive into a pool without first checking its depth. On the other hand, if one is being chased by a tiger, one has no choice but to jump.

In “You Know What They Say” (HarperCollins), Alfie Kohn examines numerous popular beliefs and finds them erroneous. He is especially impatient with people who say “You know what they say” before offering some folk wisdom such as “The full moon makes people crazy.” Numerous scientific studies, Kohn says, have produced no evidence whatever that the moon has any effect on human conduct.

We often hear that “laughter is the best medicine,” a belief personified by the late Norman Cousins and popularized in his book “Anatomy of an Illness,” which described how laughter helped him recover from a degenerative illness.

Kohn notes that Cousins himself wrote that he was “disturbed by the impression these accounts created that I thought laughter was a substitute for authentic medical care.”

There is no conclusive evidence to bear out the aphorism, Kohn says.

He also discredits a popular idea that I happen to believe: “Kids don’t read because they’re addicted to television.”

Studies show that watching TV does not keep kids from reading or doing something more educational. It’s interesting to learn that 17-year-olds watch less TV than 9-year-olds or 13-year-olds. One suspects that 17-year-olds have found something more exciting to do.

“Spare the rod and spoil the child” is a homily that has excused thousands of parents for strapping their children. In fact, Kohn says, children who are beaten turn out to be more aggressive. “Even ‘acceptable’ levels of physical punishment may perpetuate violence and unhappiness, as researchers keep finding. Despite all this research, polls indicate that an overwhelming majority of American parents still resort to physical punishment.”

When my boys were very small, I sometimes spanked them after they had been bad. One day, while I was spanking one of them with my open hand, I asked myself, “Why am I doing this?” He wasn’t even crying, and I realized that someday he would be big enough to spank me. I never spanked either of them again.

I was particularly interested in the injunction that athletes should not have sex before a game. There has been little research on this question, for obvious reasons. It’s difficult to get evidence. The saying evidently is based on the notion that sex drains an athlete’s energy and makes him less competitive. Kohn says few coaches or athletes seem to put much credence in this theory.

It is conceded, however, that the debilitating effect of the chase itself, of trying to find a partner the night before the game, might affect athletic performance. As Casey Stengel said, “It’s not the catchin’ that causes problems; it’s the chasin’.”

My personal interest in this question comes from an encounter I had some years ago with Georgia Frontiere, owner of the Los Angeles Rams. I was seated next to Mrs. Frontiere at a football-businessman’s luncheon, and the first words she spoke to me were, “Do you think football players should have sex just before a game?”

Having no data on the subject, I was at a loss, but I said, “It didn’t seem to hurt Babe Ruth any.”

I don’t know what effect my answer may have had on the sex lives of the Rams, but I hope it discouraged Mrs. Frontiere from issuing any prohibitive orders.

On the other hand, we might begin to wonder why the Rams did so poorly last season.