Traveling in Style : PLACES OF THE HEART : Kids’ Resorts : Quality Time : Traveling With Children Doesn’t Mean Having to Give Up Fine Food and Hotels. Here’s a Sampling of Luxury Resorts Where Children Are Not Merely Tolerated but Welcomed.

The baby-boom generation, now with babies of its own, may well be the most well-traveled parents America has ever seen. Many prefer fine food, fastidious service and first-rate hotels. And they’re willing to pay for their children to come along and enjoy those things, too. Such extended times together are to be cherished.

Kids are remarkably worldly today. When my younger son, Russell, was 3 years old, we were planning a trip to England. “When we go to London, Mommy, will we visit Paris, too?” he asked.

This wasn’t his first trip abroad, but, curious, I responded, “Why do you ask?”

“Melia (his 3-year-old playmate) says it’s beautiful,” he answered, and said they had already compared notes on Zurich and Lugano, Switzerland. Not typical nursery school talk? Think again. Children perceive the world as accessible, theirs to be explored.

Today, the unique needs of family travelers are recognized all over the world; some tour operators cater exclusively to families.

Deborah Baratta and Theresa Detchemendy, mothers of young children, opened their successful San Francisco-based Rascals in Paradise several years ago. Specializing in family vacations to small, elegant resorts, Baratta and Detchemendy arrange for a teacher-escort to accommodate three to five families at a chosen resort; the teacher-escort not only organizes activities for children but also arranges private baby-sitting for one hour or a day--or acts as full-time nanny. The Rascals tours have gone as far afield as New Guinea, Australia and Fiji.

Outside the United States, the number of hotels catering to family travel keeps growing. The British-based Crest Hotels chain tells families they’re honored guests by offering a free second room (when space is available) for up to three children at many of their properties. France’s Sofitel chain offers similar savings at most of its hotels during summer, school holidays and weekends. The 20-member Happy Family Swiss Hotels group provides discounts, early dining, indoor and outdoor play areas and supervised activities for children.

In Canada, Delta Hotels never opens a new hotel without including a Children’s Creative Center. Four Seasons Hotels, another Canadian company, publishes a brochure called “For Kids & Families” that outlines services available in all of their hotels including, for example, baby-sitters and turn-down service that includes milk and cookies.

These hotels have learned that welcoming families does not preclude catering to the rest of the world and that thoughtfully planned kids’ activities will keep children interested and involved. Guests at these hotels don’t complain about unruly kids: The children here are contentedly playing with new-found friends.

Many upscale American hotels also are hopping on the family bandwagon: Hotel chains such as Intercontinental, Westin, Ritz-Carlton and Sonesta have beefed up their children’s programs.

One of the best ways for parents to unwind and spend time with their children--without the interruptions of phones, doctors’ appointments, car pooling and Little League--is a resort vacation. Here are some of my favorites, where parents are pampered and children are not just tolerated but warmly welcomed.

CLUB MED-IXTAPA: GUERRERO, MEXICO

At all Club Med family resorts, children are treated like VIPs, with their own Mini Clubs. No resort I’ve ever visited offers kids what Club Med does. At various clubs, youngsters can learn how to swing on a flying trapeze, walk a high wire, sail and scuba, drive a go-cart, play golf or tennis or ride a horse. For my family, Club Meds are the epitome of what a family resort vacation was meant to be: We have lots of time together yet are free to do what we enjoy individually.

The Club Mediterranee-Ixtapa on Mexico’s Pacific Coast has recently become even more family-friendly. A new Baby Club for ages 1 year to 23 months has been added to the other kids’ clubs: Petit Club (ages 2 to 3), Mini-Club (4 to 7) and Kids Club (8 to 12). There’s also a wading pool and a resident pediatrician. Some of the 160 air-conditioned rooms now have king-size beds and re-tiled baths (no tubs, only showers). Cobblestone paths, bumpy for strollers, have been replaced by smoother lanes that lead to the swimming pool, covered theater and beach beyond.

At Ixtapa, the kids’ days are filled with a well-thought-out mixture of indoor and outdoor fun. Activities such as archery, arts and crafts, hikes and shopping excursions into town run from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. (to 6 p.m. for Baby Club). Youngsters can stay all day or join just those activities that interest them. Parents retrieve their offspring in the late afternoon before dinner.

The club offers two specialty restaurants where meals are served at the table: the Bistrot, a good place to catch a late breakfast after sleeping in, and the Hibiscus at beachside, which specializes in local seafood. Early supervised dining is offered to children at lunch and dinner, or everyone can dine en famille. And there’s a big variety of food choices, which makes parents happy since even the fussiest kid will find something to like (there’s usually a big bowl of peanut butter to be found).

While some guests have found Club Meds to be Spartan, many facilities have been considerably upgraded over the past six years. The rooms at Ixtapa are still fairly simple, but guests are no longer expected to carry luggage to their rooms.

Club Mediterranee-Ixtapa, Playa Quieta, Ixtapa-Zihuatanejo, Guerrero, Mexico. Reservations: (800) CLUB MED. Prices per week with air and transfers from Los Angeles start at $1,260 per week for adults, $830 for children ages 6-11, $750 for ages 1-5, April 6 through May 4.

ALISAL GUEST RANCH: SOLVANG

Some call it a dude ranch, others a resort, but the label on Alisal is unimportant. It’s located 45 minutes north of Santa Barbara on 10,000 acres in the hills below the San Ysidro Mountains, and herds of families have been coming since 1946. Some of the employees are welcoming their fourth generation of guests to this peaceful, deluxe ranch.

Horseback riding is considered Alisal’s main activity (there are trail rides two times daily for ages 7 and over; those under 7 can be led around the corral on horseback but are not permitted on trails). Non-equestrians are attracted to the Billy Bell-designed golf course, seven tennis courts, trout fishing, sailing and windsurfing on a 90-acre man-made lake, swimming or a long roster of daily activities. Shuttles run guests to the lake for water sports, but most kids seem to prefer swimming in the large, heated pool or frolicking on the huge grassy area surrounding it.

As at other getaway resorts, there are no phones or TVs in the bungalows. But there are wood-burning fireplaces. Accommodations are comfortable but unpretentious, so you won’t have to hover over your toddlers lest they break something. There’s even a laundry available.

Families are assigned the same dining table for the duration of their stay, and kids really like this; it gives them a sense of security. While there’s no printed children’s menu, patrons can always count on one of their favorite foods (fried chicken, spaghetti and meatballs) at dinner and, twice weekly, kids from 6 to 16 have their own dinner--no parents allowed.

Evening activities tend to be homespun, with guest talent shows and storytelling sessions. As with food, just about everything here has been planned with families in mind. There’s a supervised arts-and-crafts room that is open daily for children of all ages (parents are encouraged to stay with children under 5), a complimentary seasonal act- ivity program for the 5-to-12 crowd, a playground for toddlers and a shallow section of the pool (though no separate toddler pool), which is open until 10 p.m. Families should not hesitate to bring grandparents along, too. Such multi- generational visits are very popular, especially during the fall-through-spring months when all activities are included in the price.

Alisal Guest Ranch, 1054 Alisal Road, Solvang, Calif. 93463. Reservations: (805) 688-6411. Prices per night start at $240 for two people, including breakfast and dinner, $65 for children age 2 and up in the same room with parents; children under 2 free; $30 per night extra for a crib. Additional charges for riding, tennis and golf during summer months.

MAUNA KEA BEACH HOTEL: BIG ISLAND, HAWAII

The Mauna Kea beach resort on the Kohala Coast of the island of Hawaii offers spectacular setting, service and facilities.

A low-rise building set along a superb stretch of one of the few natural white-sand beaches on the island, the hotel was carefully designed so that each terraced room has a maximum view and sense of privacy. Originally a Rockresort, the hotel has welcomed children since it opened in 1965.

The choice of sports is, as my children would say, “awesome”: a world-class Robert Trent Jones golf course built on the stark, black lava fields, ocean-side tennis, every conceivable water sport--from scuba to windsurfing--and horseback riding at the famed Parker Ranch nearby. That’s not to mention the fitness center, jogging trail, 18-station exercise course and deep-blue swimming pool.

Then there’s the 1,600-piece, museum-quality collection of Pacific and Asian art. Parents should not be surprised to learn about the collection from their children. What began as a simple children’s activity program for parents who wanted time to themselves has evolved into something more sophisticated. In addition to learning how to build sand castles and make leis, keikis (Hawaiian for children) also delve into the art by guessing how many millions of stitches there are in the traditional Hawaiian quilt or discussing when the tribes of New Guinea might have used the ceremonial drums hanging on the wall.

The children’s program is complimentary and lasts from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and again from 6:15 to 9 in the evening. Designed for children 6 to 12, it runs during major school holidays and summer. Younger children are welcome to join in with a parent or baby-sitter, which the hotel can help secure.

Each of the Mauna Kea’s four restaurants offers a special children’s menu. Guests should definitely try the legendary room service at least once (most kids adore room service).

Since the Mauna Kea has no in-room TV, there’s lots of time for members of the family to rediscover each other. One favorite evening pastime is strolling down to watch the manta rays’ dazzling feeding “dance” on the ocean just off the hotel.

Mauna Kea Beach Hotel, 1 Mauna Kea Beach Drive, Kohala Coast, Hawaii 96743-9706; (808) 882-7222. Reservations: (800) 882-6060. Rates: Double rooms with breakfast and dinner start at $330 for two; without meals $200. Children under 5 free. Children 5-12, $39 extra per night for breakfast and dinner. Additional $25 for extra roll-away bed or crib.

HYATT REGENCY: SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

Home to Kamp Kachina, which served as the prototype for Camp Hyatt, the chain-wide program of activities and amenities for children, the Hyatt Regency Scottsdale sits elegantly against the McDowell Mountains in the Sonoran Desert.

We were mesmerized by the “water playground,” a half-acre, 10-pool complex complete with a sand beach (complimentary sand toys for kids), a three-story water slide, spouting fountains and waterfalls. Add 27 holes of championship golf, eight tennis courts and complimentary bicycles for guests (some have baby seats, but helmets are not provided) to explore the entire expanse of the surrounding Gainey Ranch development via bike paths. Outside the resort, but nearby, are desert Jeep tours, horseback riding, hot-air ballooning and white-water rafting. But those are only for people who can pull themselves away from the main pool, designed to resemble a Roman spa.

Kamp Kachina, which debuted in 1987, has proved such an enormous success that it is now open to local children as well as hotel guests during the summer. Children bake cookies in the hotel kitchen, decorate a T-shirt or romp in the Fort, the hotel’s own playground adjacent to the pool. When we visited, some of the kids went to see the Phoenix Suns play and visited spring baseball training camp.

The program, for children over 3, costs $25 a day or $5 per activity and operates during weekends, holiday periods and all summer. Lunch and dinner can be ordered for children from the moderately priced, child-friendly Camp Hyatt menu.

The hotel has 493 spacious rooms decorated in Southwestern style. All have balconies overlooking courtyards. Parents who want privacy (for a little romance?) can ask for a second room for the kids at half price when booking in advance (even possible in peak holiday season if reservations are made early enough).

Hyatt Regency Scottsdale, 7500 E . Doubletree Ranch Road, Scottsdale, Ariz. 85258; (602) 991-3388. Reservations: (800) 233-1234. Rates start at $235 double and $325 for Regency Club to May 23. Children under 18 free in same room, second room 50% off based on availability.

MARRIOTT’S TENAYA LODGE: YOSEMITE

When Marriott’s Tenaya Lodge, the first new deluxe property at Yosemite National Park in 50 years, opened its doors last summer, management was taken aback to see so many children arrive. “We thought we were too high-priced for families,” says developer Robert Boykin, “but more than half of our guests arrive as family groups.”

The hotel’s recreation director quickly added activities for kids: sunrise and nature walks, creative crafts, wagon rides, campfire programs, story hours, movies and a “jackalope” hunt, where, after being fortified with chocolate-chip cookies, children, led by a guide, explore the hotel grounds seeking the mythical critter.

Tenaya has the feeling of a huge old hunting lodge equipped with amenities, from indoor and outdoor swimming pools to a gourmet delicatessen featuring picnic lunches (including peanut- butter-and-jelly sandwiches, of course) for guests to take on treks into the park. Children are welcome in all of the restaurants, and the dress is casual. All the recreational facilities of the national park are, of course, available to lodge guests.

Marriott’s Tenaya Lodge, 1122 Highway 41, Fish Camp, Calif. 93623; (209) 683-6555. Reservations: (800) 635-5807 or (800) 228-9290. Rates: $149 for two adults and up to three children on weekends, $99 weekdays through March 30, 1991. June 1 through 15, $129 weekdays, $159 weekends; after June 15, $210 per night. There are nominal fees for some of the children’s programs.

THE COLONY: LONGBOAT KEY, FLA.

One of America’s top tennis resorts, The Colony, owned and operated by the Klauber family since 1969, is only 10 minutes from Sarasota in central Florida. The 12-mile barrier island of Longboat Key is surrounded by the Gulf of Mexico and Sarasota Bay, and The Colony was among its first resorts. Two-story townhouses with one- and two-bedroom apartments (235 in all) are scattered about the 18-acre property. Best located are building Nos. 1 and 9, but many townhouses have water views, and each is equipped with individual whirlpool and steam bath. The townhouses are within easy walking distance of the white-sand beach and swimming pool.

Although you must dress for dinner at the renowned Colony Restaurant, guests can maintain barefoot splendor and simultaneously enjoy the gourmet food by ordering takeout from the hotel’s deli-grocery store, Tastebuds. Windows, which offers somewhat lighter fare, has a cute menu for children called “The Colony Kid’s Sticker Menu with the ‘Krazy Kooks.’ ”

My son Russell, 10, and my husband, David, took the tennis clinics. I found a covered chaise at the ocean’s edge, played tetherball with Jordon, 12, watched younger kids enjoy the playground, swam in the pool and then headed for the spa, where I luxuriated with a full-body massage, tried a shiatsu massage and had a facial. Alas, I never did take advantage of the late-night massages, a welcome service after a day frolicking with the kids.

We rented bikes and explored the island but were just as content to stay at the resort. My sons couldn’t decide whether the private tennis lessons or the clinics were better. For adults, the tennis package includes a complimentary match-making service with a partner of comparable ability. If no guest is available, players are teamed with a pro--almost like getting a free private lesson. There’s even complimentary daily “tiny tots” tennis, with a smaller net and foam-rubber balls, for children under 6. Parents can take their children or let them go with the counselor as part of “Kidding Around,” a complimentary children’s program for ages 4 to 12.

Morning off-property field trips--nature walks, shelling--attract children of all ages, and there are organized beach and pool games, crafts and occasional evening movies and pizza parties. Since the Klauber children participate almost every weekend, it’s clear that the owners get firsthand feedback about what pleases kids.

Colony Resort, 1620 Gulf of Mexico Drive, Longboat Key, Fla. 34228; (813) 383-6464. Reservations: (800) 237-9443. Rates from $285 for a one-bedroom suite until May 1; after May 1, $205. Children under 6 in the same room free year- round; ages 7-16, $7 per night until May 1 and free May 1 to Dec. 19.

OLIVELLA AU LAC: LAKE LUGANO, SWITZERLAND

Imagine my pleasure when, after five days at this elegant five-star hotel on Lake Lugano, the general manager came to bid us goodby and said, “If all American children are as well-behaved as yours, we welcome them.”

Were my children “well behaved”? I don’t think they acted any differently than they might have anywhere else. But they did seem to feel truly welcome at this jewel in the crown of the Happy Family Swiss Hotel group. I recall Jordon, then 6, instructing his 3-year-old brother to change into nicer clothes for dinner. “Didn’t you notice how nice everyone looked at dinner here?” he asked Russell. The dining room was full of well-to-do Italians (Milan is only 45 minutes away). Our stay was flawless. On our first morning, my husband asked where he could purchase the International Herald Tribune and the Wall Street Journal. Both were delivered while we ate breakfast. The next morning, en route to breakfast, the concierge stopped us and said, “Mr. Ferber, your newspapers.” The service was typical of everything here: the friendly waiters teaching our kids Italian as they served a meal, a hotel car picking us up in town after a day’s outing, extra towels provided for a late-evening dip in the indoor pool.

When the children opted for an early dinner, they shared the table with kids from Germany, Denmark, Spain, England and Switzerland. The languages spoken around the table were enough to confuse anyone, but the young woman who supervised the children’s playroom took it in stride. “I work with the children in Suvretta House in St. Moritz in winter,” she explained. “I hear even more languages there. It’s not important to the children anyway. It’s the play that counts.”

And she was right. The difference in language didn’t matter, as we learned one morning when Jordon and Russell asked if they could skip a shopping spree with us to join the kids on a picnic boat ride. “Just don’t forget to buy me the jacket I liked,” were Jordon’s parting words as the boys sprinted to meet the other kids in the playroom.

Hotel Olivella au Lac, P.O. Box 100, 6922 Morcote, Switzerland. Reservations: (800) 334-7234. Rates start at $160 for two , including full breakfast. Children under 6 free in same room with parents. Roll - away bed is $48 additional.