J. R. Ewing: Perfect Villain for the ‘80s

TV or not TV. . . .

THE LAST ROUNDUP: What exactly was it about J. R. Ewing that roped viewers of “Dallas” for 13 years?

As you probably know, J. R. (Larry Hagman) and “Dallas” wind up their spectacular run on CBS with a two-hour grand finale on May 3.

And some of the best clues as to what made J. R. tick--as TV’s ultimate stinker and a perfect symbol of 1980s greed--can be found in Jack Mingo and John Javna’s “Primetime Proverbs: The Book of TV Quotes.”

For example, we find J. R. summing up his creed: “Money speaks all languages.”

Then there’s this exchange with Kristin (Mary Crosby), the woman who shot J. R.:

Kristin: You want me to sell myself so I can spy on your friends. Is that it?

J. R.: Well, you’re always saying you want to help.

Unrelentingly cynical, J. R. offered this advice: “A cardinal rule of politics--never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.”

Then there was the time that his long-suffering wife, Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), speaking of one of his foes, said: “You’ve already ruined his career. . . . Isn’t that enough?”

J. R.: Hell, no.

And finally this, with his very own family:

Bobby (Patrick Duffy): I’m still your brother.

J. R.: As far as I’m concerned, I’m an only child.

“Dallas” has faded into the sunset this season, but CBS clearly hopes the finale will bring out viewers in droves for a farewell look--and help the network in the May ratings sweeps.

OFFSPRING: “Knots Landing” was a spinoff of “Dallas”--but in fact, it was the show that David Jacobs, who created both series, tried to sell first.

CBS, however, wanted a glitzier drama, which brought about “Dallas.” Then came “Knots Landing,” with Joan Van Ark and Michele Lee among the stars who blossomed in the still-successful soap opera.

HORSEY SET: With the TV miniseries “Lonesome Dove” and the film “Dances With Wolves” winning acclaim, honors and viewers, you’d think prime time might be due for a Western revival this fall.

Not so, except for occasional projects, as the networks obviously think horse operas are too dated--certainly for the juvenile audience they covet.

CBS’ “Guns of Paradise” and ABC’s “The Young Riders” are amiable, but hardly gangbusters in the ratings.

Nonetheless, CBS reportedly is planning a third showing of “Lonesome Dove” and has a possible Western series project, “Ned Blessing,” in the works. CBS is also bringing back James Arness again in the TV movie “Gunsmoke III: To the Last Man.”

In a way, “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” was kind of a last hurrah for the Western era, symbolized by the way the modern world was encroaching on the romantic, dated images of its two heroes.

By 1969, when the Paul Newman-Robert Redford film came out, only a handful of Westerns were left on TV. A decade before, the Big Three networks were presenting between 20 and 30 prime-time Western series each season, spawning such stars as Clint Eastwood (“Rawhide”), Steve McQueen (“Wanted: Dead or Alive”) and James Garner (“Maverick”).

In fact, during the 1958-59 season, seven of the top 10 series in the ratings were Westerns: “Gunsmoke,” “Wagon Train,” “Have Gun Will Travel,” “The Rifleman,” “Maverick,” “Tales of Wells Fargo” and “The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp.”

The over-the-hill gang.

HOT STREAK: With her two high-rated “20/20” shows featuring Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and her Oscar-night special, Barbara Walters is on another roll. It’s incredible to recall how she had to battle for first-string status on the “Today” show because she was a woman. On the other hand, what else is new?

NEW WAVE: With CBS’ latest staff cutbacks--about 400--the network’s news division reportedly will be reduced to fewer than 1,000 employees. Ted Turner’s CNN has a staff of 1,700--larger than any of the Big Three news departments. There’s not much doubt who’s doing the slashing at CBS: Laurence Tisch is the company’s chairman, president and chief executive officer.

EAGLE EYE: Thanks to the reader who wrote to protest KCBS Channel 2’s stupefyingly tasteless item on its 6 a.m. news that Johann Sebastian Bach, dead for 240 years, was “no longer composing. He’s decomposing.” Writes the reader: “Some way to start our day. Very inspiring.”

ENCORE: By popular request, we hereby list some more of Egg magazine’s 100 favorite moments in television:

“Captain Kirk plants one on Lieutenant Uhura (in ‘Star Trek’) . . . Bing Crosby duets with David Bowie on ‘Little Drummer Boy’ (in a Crosby Christmas special) . . . Florence Henderson sings ‘Bad, Bad Leroy Brown’ (on ‘The Mike Douglas Show’).

“Richard and Elizabeth can’t get the Burton-Taylor diamond off Lucy’s finger (on ‘Here’s Lucy’) . . . Krystle and Alexis go at it in the lily pond (on ‘Dynasty’) . . . Radar breaks the news to the 4077th that Henry Blake never made it back to the States (on ‘MASH’).”

STRETCH RUN: The official 1990-91 ratings season ends Sunday, and it looks pretty much like NBC on top again, ABC second and CBS third in the tightest race in years. Credit CBS Entertainment with keeping its head while its management is lopping off others.

REEL LIFE: At last report, CBS had a sitcom project called “Make My Day” in the works. You see, it’s about a B-movie star who becomes sheriff of a small Northern California town. Well, as I always say, any which way you can. . . .

HEART OF THE MATTER: Will ABC get so carried away by the success of “Full House” and “Family Matters” that it forgets what “China Beach” and “Anything but Love” mean to its image? The fall schedule will tell a lot.

BEING THERE: “Catalogues can be misleading. Like ‘Kills roaches forever.’ Pipe dreams.”--Doorman in “The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd.”

Say good night, Gracie. . . .