In L.A., Drop Names, Not Flies

All right, here’s your headline:

DARRYL DROPS FLY BALL!

Whoa, sorry. For a crazy minute there, I thought I worked for a New York newspaper.

Erase that.

All right, here’s your headline:

DODGERS TAKE OPENER

ATLANTA--Darryl Strawberry hit a double, hit a single, scored a run, drove in two . . .

(And, shhh, dropped a fly ball; we’re from L.A., man; we are cool about this stuff.)

. . . in his Dodger debut, a 6-4 success Wednesday night against the always accommodating Atlanta Braves.

Oh, and here’s another Dodger Darryl update for you interested New Yorkers.

Other people played besides Darryl!

Brett Butler, our new .667-hitting leadoff man, had a nice night.

So did John Candelaria, our new left-handed relief pitcher.

So did Mike Scioscia, our old Dodger codger of a catcher, who ripped three hits and caught a five-hitter.

So did Tim Belcher, another of our old 1990-model Dodgers, who looked sharp, pitching to 27 guys and walking nobody.

But I know, I know.

You want to hear more about Darryl.

Like, how did he look?

(Like the Darryl the Mets once knew and loved, that’s how he looked. Hard grounder to first for an RBI. Hard liner to center field. Hard two-bagger down right-field line. Hard base hit to right-center. Vintage Strawberry.)

And how did he feel?

“Not nervous,” Darryl said. “Playing this game doesn’t make me nervous. This game now makes me happy.”

And how did he do?

“Great,” Darryl said. “We won.”

No, Darryl. How did you do?

“Hey, I’m not concerned with me personally. It’s not important how well one player does. I’m just one of the guys.”

Well, fans, there’s your story, live from Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, where the Los Angeles Dodgers have just scored an impressive season-opening victory behind Belcher, Scioscia and Some of Those New Guys.

See, Darryl?

We’re with you, kid. We’re from the fun West Coast. We’re the Nice Media.

Drop a fly ball?

Aw, heck, Straw. Happens to everybody. Forget about it, babe. We’re such nice media, we’ll probably never even mention it again. Sometimes we don’t even put the errors in the box score. I mean, we are nice , man.

And the Dodgers?

I know, I know.

You look around and there’s Bob Ojeda over there and there’s Gary Carter over there and there’s Barry Lyons over there and there’s Candelaria over there and you worry about poor Strawberry experiencing some serious Shea Stadium “Oh, God, I’m in the wrong dugout!” flashbacks out there by that diamond.

But now that he’s got that first official Dodger ballgame under his belt, Darryl’s got it made in the shade.

The day before, when he was supposed to make his Dodger Darryl debut, the game was rained out. Darryl spent part of the day watching the Mets on the clubhouse TV and laughing about Tim McCarver and Mike Lupica and all those mean old New York media meanies.

He really likes us smiley L.A. types.

Even when we asked him about the error, we were nice. We were nicer than nice. We did everything but say: “Way to go, Straw Man. You almost caught that one, dude.”

Somebody worked up the nerve to ask if the E-9 embarrassed him.

“Naw,” said Straw. “I just dropped it.”

And, these not being the Mets, nobody in the Dodger clubhouse accused him of dogging it or costing them the pennant or being the Son of Sam or anything like that.

“These guys are very supportive, and that makes it beneficial to your whole ballclub,” Strawberry said. “That’s another reason why I like being a Dodger.”

No wonder he wasn’t nervous.

“Nervous? Why should I be nervous?” Darryl asked. “It’s just baseball.”

All right, here’s your headline.

‘JUST BASEBALL,’ DARRYL CLAIMS

ATLANTA--Acting as though America’s national pastime is not the least bit important, outfielder Darryl Strawberry accused the game of being “just baseball” after the season opener Wednesday night, according to reliable sources in the . . .

. . . oh, nuts.

There I go, doing that New York stuff again.