Only in L.A.

Perhaps the Seattle hotel clerk who took David Ross’ reservation over the phone believes that all Southern Californians are diet fanatics. Whatever, Ross, who lives on Granada Avenue in Long Beach, noticed that his hotel receipt listed the name of his street as:

“Granola.”

Hardly anyone’s immune from the slump in the economy, not even the Elysium nudist colony in Topanga. Obviously attempting to capture a larger audience, the April issue of the resort’s Journal of the Senses published what could be the most shocking article ever to appear in a nudist magazine.

Its title: “The Importance of Wearing Clothes.”

Here’s today’s lesson for your learn-one-word-per-day program.

Artist Jean-Pol d. Franqueuil, who will display his paintings in the ABC Entertainment Center on Thursday during a Century City charity event, says he strives “to catch a moment and create the illusion of extending beyond the frame of the canvas--beyond the visions of reality.”

Hence, his self-description: Beyondist.

List of the Day:

L.A. institutions that have disappeared recently:

1--Jane Fonda’s Workout in Beverly Hills (closed).

2--Pirate Radio’s “Screw the Rules” slogan (removed, as result of format change, from billboards all over the county, except in Irwindale, which had already banned the station’s motto).

3--Buzz magazine (lasted three issues, enough to qualify as an institution in L.A.).

4--The new Hollywood Brown Derby (replaced, after less than two years in business, by Premieres of Hollywood restaurant).

5--Grilled Dodger Dogs (replaced by steamed variety after 29 years).

Poor word-side manner:

A San Fernando Valley hospital sent out an announcement of a “health fair expo” that said in part:

“An optional blood test is available for a $20 fee which will give results on 27 different chemistries. Also offered will be free foot screenings, fitness evaluation, body-fat testing, and pulmonary function, dermatology and colo-rectal screenings.

“A carnival-like atmosphere will prevail. . . .” Just the sort of atmosphere one would want for a colo-rectal screening.

Monday was officially designed Headache No. 1040 Day by one pain reliever, which staged a promotion at the downtown Terminal Annex post office. Drivers who dropped off their tax returns and headed to the freeways then had to experience customary Headache Nos. 134, 101, 710, 5, 10 and others.

Promoters of Southern California’s only Indy car road race view it as a big image-builder for the host beach city. Except, perhaps, when an all-news station refers to it, as one did Sunday, as “the Malibu Grand Prix.”

And, finally, George Green of West L.A. writes:

“There is a building on Le Conte in Westwood that appears to be an Italian Romanesque church, but with Spanish Colonial adornments, a palm tree in the courtyard, a sign that says “Contempo” (which it most assuredly is not), another sign offering restaurant space for lease, and trees in front that were festooned with Christmas tree lights in the month of March.

“Is this what is meant by the word ‘eclectic?’ ”

Or Beyondist.

miscelLAny:

A typical TWA flight from New York to the L.A. area in the early 1930s would involve stops in Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Pittsburgh, Columbus, Indianapolis and Kansas City, where the 11 passengers would spend the night. The next day, the plane would make stops at Amarillo, Albuquerque and Winslow, Ariz., before the craft arrived in Burbank, promptly 36 hours after leaving New York.