Couples Heat Up Their Circuits Via Computer
This is a high-tech L.A. love story. Forget the roses, the white wine, the galloping stallion along the beach, the boat in the harbor, the picnic in the mountains. This is about people plugging in their personal computers and falling deeply in love-- modem to modem.
Call it computer love. Call it terminal love. It happened to Scott Major and Lauren Greenbaum, who became enraptured with one another by sending electronic messages back and forth via home computers for several hours each day over the better part of two months. Their typed discussions ranged from the weather to current events to personal feelings about family, relationships and sex.
Remarkably, during this period, Major and Greenbaum never talked “voice,” which is to say, they never picked up the phone to chat and neither was sure what the other looked like.
No matter, this was love at first byte.
“As we wrote, I became confident about my feelings for Lauren,” said Major, a 27-year-old electrician who lived in Woodland Hills at the time. “They were very intense. It sounds funny, I know, but I was falling in love with her by computer. By the time we finally met, I was crazy about her.”
The couple’s electronic tunnel of love--without which, Major said, they never would have gotten together--was one of numerous computer bulletin board systems operating in the Los Angeles area. These bulletin boards are computer systems that link varying numbers of personal computers. Some boards include functions enabling computer users to “meet” and communicate with other system users. They can take part in group discussions or send private messages. All they need is a computer, a modem, and the telephone number of a bulletin board system. In uncomplicated terms, it’s similar to talking on the phone, with the notable exception of the typed word taking the place of the spoken word.
If that sounds severely limiting, as though it might be a sufficient conduit for, say, selling or buying light bulbs, but a lousy channel for love’s natural flow, don’t tell Major and Greenbaum, who a few weeks after meeting got engaged. (They did this in person.) The couple plan to wed in August.
“Just about everything emotionally developed electronically,” said Major. “On the computer, we were able to open up.”
Major first became aware of Greenbaum, 27, on KBBS, a Northridge-based bulletin board that has about 3,000 members. He had noticed her participating in various group discussions on the system, and thought she was witty, so he sent her a message introducing himself.
“I wrote something stupid,” he said. “But she wrote me back. I asked a lot of questions. That was the beginning. As time went by, we really got to know each other.”
“We trusted each other even though we hadn’t met,” said Green, who lives in a Reseda apartment she now shares with Major. “Once we did meet, we (still) felt more comfortable talking on the computer than in person. It’s easier because you’re not face to face.”
In cases of computer love, face-to-face interaction often is reduced to secondary importance, particularly when compared with relationships generated by more traditional means.
Riva and Bill Martin of North Hollywood, who met via computer and were married three years ago, didn’t actually meet in person until six months after they began communicating twice a day, Riva Martin on her Commodore 64, Bill on his Apple IIe.
“We spent more than 100 hours on the computer together before we met,” Riva Martin said. “We wrote about past relationships, hobbies, sports, music, movies, politics, our likes and dislikes, everything.”
Every day before going to work, Riva, 37, and Bill, 32, typed messages to each other from her house in North Hollywood to his apartment in Burbank and back. They ended each day the same way. Eventually, the two managed to arrange a meeting at a local health spa, and that rendezvous did little to slow their emotions.
“No question we were in love before we laid eyes on each other,” she said. “I could feel his compassion through the computer. We shared our hopes and dreams. Bill was very honest. A warmth came through about him. It was comforting to have him there. Every morning as I typed to him, it made me feel good. On the computer, it’s kind of like puppy love, but in our case it was very real.”
Tiffany Fisher, 21, of Granada Hills, stops short of saying she fell in love with boyfriend Mike Harris solely by computer, but her IBM compatible went a long way toward getting her there.
Fisher and Harris met on line last December during an “open chat,” which is to a bulletin board what a party line is to a telephone. The two later broke off into private-message mode and continued to private chat daily for about a month.
“I was definitely interested in her because of her writing,” said Harris, 28. “She was intelligent. We could talk about politics, religion, computers, friendship. It didn’t matter what topic I’d pick, she could talk about it.”
By “talk,” of course, he meant “write.” Both Harris and Fisher were proficient with a keyboard, which was fortunate since they spent up to six hours a day typing back and forth.
It reached a point where Harris typed lyrics to love songs from “Phantom of the Opera” to his computermate. For Fisher’s part, she agreed with Riva Martin, saying: “After a while, I could feel through the computer. I knew Mike so well and was attracted to what I knew. After all we had shared, I thought he was a real friend, even though I’d never met him.”
Unlike the Martins, Harris and Fisher decided to get on with the face-to-face interaction after three weeks and see where they’d go from there. As it turned out, Fisher moved in with Harris and the couple are planning to marry.
Apparently, this computer love business is catching.
“By computer, you feel safe,” said Jeff Swanson, 27, of Encino, who met his fiancee, Tina Bruce, 23, on a bulletin board in December. “You’re at home, you’re comfortable, you’re able to be yourself. You aren’t distracted by whether a person is tall or short, or, ugly or beautiful. You can concentrate on the personality. If you concentrate, it’s easy to judge what kind of person you’re chatting with.”
Which, according to Bruce, may not always be a dreamboat. “I’ve met a lot of weirdos on bulletin boards too,” she said. “But with Jeff, I knew when I talked with him that I was going to like him.”
Michael Chapman, 28, and Karen Malcor, 31, of Alhambra, are another couple who fooled around with their IBMs and fell in love. They recently got engaged after meeting two years ago on a bulletin board called Prime Time.
“I browsed her bio and found we had a lot of similar interests, so I left electronic mail for her,” Chapman said. Many bulletin boards ask members to fill out a questionnaire on personal interests, sex, height, weight, age, eye and hair color, and marital status. Other members of the bulletin board have access to the information.
Malcor, in turn, browsed Chapman’s bio, and a six-week period of intense message writing ensued. Not long thereafter, they determined an electronic relationship wasn’t enough. A string of dates confirmed the compelling feelings they’d developed by computer.
It’s an extraordinary, wondrous thing, the computer, Chapman said in a recent interview. “The computer is such a powerful tool. It’s moving into so many areas. You can exchange files with them, you can exchange all kinds of information, you can use them in so many ways.”
Indeed, you can also use them to upload and download your love.
