MOVIE REVIEWS : Armed, Hardly Dangerous : Turner Takes Gumshoe Turn in ‘V.I. Warshawski’

“V.I. Warshawski” (citywide) features a killing or two, a handful of beatings, and a moderate number of kicks in the groin, but the real violence is directed not toward anyone on screen but rather against Sara Paretsky’s popular detective novels which are the nominal inspiration for this tired, tepid thriller. For not the first time, the deep thinkers of Hollywood have purchased idiosyncratic material and turned it so dull and phlegmatic viewers will wonder what the original fuss was about.

No one, least of all Paretsky, would claim that her no-nonsense Chicago-based female detective (the V stands for Victoria) is some untouchable icon, but how much sense does it make to turn a fully developed realistic female character into little more than a generic woman with a gun?

Worst of all, though many of the people involved with the film have made fatuous, self-serving statements about what a feminist epic it is (“My hope is that this movie will be Hollywood’s catching up to the reality of women in society,” says the producer), the sorry fact is that the finished product is no stranger to exploitation of the most obvious kind.

Whatever mistakes the filmmakers made (we’ll get to those later), hiring Kathleen Turner to play V.I. would not at first glance appear to be one of them. A smart, feisty actress, Turner sounds like a natural to play a woman who very much runs her own life and business and says things like “Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of cashmere?” Also, according to several news stories, Turner was apparently instrumental in stopping Disney, an organization that knows little creative shame, from weakening her character even more than it did.

Yet, sadly enough, Turner, though well cast, seems to walk through rather than really inhabit the leading role. The enviable buzz of energy she previously brought to everything from “Crimes of Passion” to “Prizzi’s Honor” is not in evidence here. Instead, we get a variant of the star turn, kind of what you’d expect from someone doing a guest appearance in “Murder, She Wrote,” not the driving engine of what could have been a signature vehicle.

On the other hand, when you come to examine the material Turner has to work with, maybe her lack of pizazz is understandable. First of all, “V.I. Warshawski” (rated R for language and moments of violence) is not based on any of Paretsky’s novels but is rather a story concocted for the screen by Edward Taylor and written by Taylor, David Aaron Cohen and Nick Thiel.

Any time a script has three credited writers, it’s a safe bet that it’s a mishmash, and this film is definitely not the exception to that rule. The story gets under way with V.I. flirting madly with a ex-hockey great named Boom-Boom at a Chicago nightspot, then inexplicably getting left with his bratty 13-year-old daughter Kat (Angela Goethals) while he goes to attend to some business. The business ends up getting him killed in very short order, and Kat hires V.I. to find out whodunit.

Since Boom-Boom was seen in a tiff with his two brothers shortly before his death, suspicion immediately centers on them as suspects, and, hard as it is to believe, never goes beyond them. So, the major suspense here is trying to figure out which one did it, an activity only slightly more exciting that trying to decide if Certs is a breath mint or a candy mint.

Making things even less compelling is the fact that Warshawski inexplicably decides that young Kat would make a great partner, and spends a chunk of the movie tracking down leads with her. Cute, maybe, but involving, hardly.

Director Jeff Kanew, whose biggest film to date was “Revenge of the Nerds,” was certainly not an obvious choice to direct a witty crime thriller and, judging by the results, not a good one either.

Not only is he incapable of getting any kind of tension or menace on the screen, his sense of humor is suspect and he has hoked up some of the villains to the point where we can’t tell if we’re supposed to be frightened of them or not.

Worst of all, given the impulses that got this film and the series of novels off the ground, is the use of old-fashioned exploitation in the film. In short order, Turner’s Warshawski is seen in a steamy clinch with Boom-Boom, in a steamy bubble bath, and wearing only a slip in the back seat of a cab as the driver approvingly leers.

Later, we are invited to appreciate her legs and to chuckle when a fireboat employee says, “She can handle my hose anytime.” If this is “catching up to the reality of women in society,” just call me Thelma and Louise.

‘V.I. Warshawski’

Kathleen Turner: Warshawski

Jay O. Sanders: Murray

Charles Durning: Lt. Mallory

Angela Goethals: Kat

Nancy Paul: Paige

Frederick Coffin: Horton

Charles McCaughan: Trumble

A Hollywood Pictures presentation in association with Silver Screen Partners IV, released by Buena Vista. Director Jeff Kanew. Producer Jeffrey Lurie. Executive producers Penny Finkelman Cox, John P. Marsh. Screenplay Edward Taylor and David Aaron Cohen and Nick Thiel. Cinematographer Jan Kiesser. Editor C. Timothy O’Meara. Costumes Gloria Gresham. Music Randy Edelman. Production design Barbara Ling. Art director Larry Fulton. Set decorator Anne E. Ahrens. Running time: 1 hour, 29 minutes.

MPAA-rated R (language and moments of violence).