Willie Brown Decides to Stop Trying to Explain Unexplainable to S.D.

Your government (not) at work.

Willie Brown, the Imperial Speaker of the California Assembly, has closed his office in downtown San Diego.

On Friday last, the final employee, Craig Silberman, son of federally incarcerated Dick Silberman and stepson of County Supervisor Susan Golding, locked the door and departed for another job.

And what did Silberman do for the San Francisco Democrat at a salary of $60,030 per annum? After all, San Diego County has its own pack of Assembly payrollers.

“There was not a lot of constituent work, per se,” Brown’s chief of staff, Michael Galizio, told The Times’ Ralph Frammolino.

Mostly what Silberman did was talk to local city councils, the Board of Supervisors and other politicians.

Talk; schmooze; try to explain the inexplainable, like why San Diego County always gets shafted by Sacramento when it comes to doling out dollars.

For budget reasons, Silberman’s job may not be filled. That’s probably best, since the candidate nonpareil is no longer among us: my Uncle Chick.

Uncle Chick was great at explaining the inexplainable.

In his latter years, Uncle Chick rented a room from my grandmother. This arrangement tested his verbal acuity.

My grandmother was a teetotaler. Uncle Chick was considerably more permissive.

He would explain that a whiskey-sodden man could live 70 or 80 years, but a horse, which stays stone-sober its whole life, was lucky to reach 15 or 20. He thought nature was trying to tell us something.

My grandmother did not like anyone falling asleep in the front room. Uncle Chick liked to nod off after dinner.

My grandmother would ask sharply in his ear: “Are you asleep?”

Uncle Chick would stop snoring, explain he had only been resting his eyes, and then repeat verbatim the last 20 minutes of television dialogue.

It was also Uncle Chick who said there are only two things you should ever ask a boss: When do I get paid? Where’s the toilet?

Uncle Chick was an original schmoozer and would have done a swell job for Willie Brown.

He could have used that $60,030, too.

Who’s Exploiting Kids Now?

It says here.

* Kids as props.

U.S. Sen. John Seymour (R-Calif.) comes to an elementary school in Encinitas on Monday to remind voters of his get-tougher amendments to the recently passed federal crime bill.

One (“Use a kid, go to jail”) means a mandatory prison sentence for anyone who uses a minor (i.e., as drug runners) to commit a crime. The other calls for deportation of felonious aliens.

Seymour is scheduled to hold an outdoor news conference from 9:15 a.m. to 9:50 a.m.

Why that particular timing?

That’s when the students will be on recess, and students always make a good backdrop for campaign photo opportunities.

* East County bumper sticker: “My Dog Was Citizen of the Month at La Mesa Pet Hotel.”

* The Sierra Club has decided not to endorse in the 2nd or 8th District races next month for San Diego City Council.

The usually politically active club says it finds no major differences between incumbents Ron Roberts and Bob Filner and their challengers.

* San Diego bumper sticker: “A Fool and His Money Are Soon Partying.”

* You know a recession is bad when it hurts the value of real estate in San Diego County. Is nothing sacred anymore?

In a recent 12-month span, assessments--and thus property taxes--were lowered on 5,035 parcels to reflect declining market value.

Assessments dropped a whopping $350 million.

(The usual number of assessment reductions annually is about 1,500.)

Losing value are office towers, industrial-commercial property, hotels and lots of new homes.

Wanted: Pee-wee Tee-Hees

A woman called her older sister, who works in Mission Valley, all in a panic:

“I’m having a ‘power’ lunch today with some important people. Quick, I need some Pee-wee Herman jokes.”