Imagine a cockroach show with such attractions...

Imagine a cockroach show with such attractions as “Elvis Lives” (a roach standing in front of a tiny microphone), “Evel Knievel” (a roach on a tiny motorcycle) and “Saddam Hussein” (a roach being stomped by a boot).

Well, incredible as it seems, a promoter has brought these and other acts together for the Combat Cockroach competition Wednesday morning in Exposition Park at the Natural History Museum. And it’s open to the public.

There’ll also be a World’s Largest Roach contest in the museum’s Mammal Hall (apparently the Insect Hall was already booked up), featuring about 2,000 pests from as far away as Vietnam and Hungary. Last year’s world champ, a Japanese roach, measured 1.88 inches, which seems like an economy model to your Only in L.A. correspondent, who recalls having lived with larger varieties while attending USC. But let’s not start talking about how much more impressive things were in the good old days.

The visiting competitors, by the way, won’t be put up at a Roach Hotel because all are dead, including “Elvis Lives.”

So what if “Valley girl” was rejected for the most recent edition of Webster’s New World Dictionary? Photographer Scott Dewees discovered that the term occupies a place of honor in Canoga Park on the former Valley Circle Drive.

You may have heard about the scholarly debate over whether Mark Twain actually quipped: “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”

We have another question during this false August: Was he talking about San Francisco or L.A.?

Speaking of famous utterances, L.A. City Councilman Joel Wachs once said of the outbreak of mini-malls in L.A.: “I simply can’t imagine who eats all those doughnuts.”

Well, perhaps times are changing. A doughnut shop just closed on Hyperion Boulevard in Silver Lake. It’s being replaced by a pizzeria--one of five within a two-block stretch.

List of the Day:

Our mention that 60% of the phones in the L.A.-Long Beach area have unlisted numbers--the highest percentage in the nation--prompted David Reid of West Hollywood to inquire how many pages the area directories would contain if everyone wasn’t so bashful.

If all numbers were listed, the phone books would bulge to these sizes:

1--Greater L.A., about 2,800 pages.

2--Northwestern, 2,950.

3--Northeastern, 2,550.

3--South Bay, 1,590.

4--Long Beach, 1,350.

5. Mid-Cities, 1,160.

Let’s hear it for privacy.

Hilel Stolzberg notes that the Baldwin Hills Theater is advertising a 2-for-1 special for seniors, who’ll no doubt rush over to see two of their faves, “Terminator 2” and “Boyz N the Hood.”

miscelLAny:

The L.A. Philharmonic Orchestra owns three rare instruments--two violins and a cello--made by Antonio Stradivari (1644?-1737). One Stradivarius violin was donated by Jack Benny’s family.