A Widowed Parent. A Young Couple. A Middle-Aged Divorcee. This Support Group’s Members Have Little in Common Except That They’re Among a Growing Number of Heterosexuals . . . : Coping With AIDS

Ray Estrada worries about many of the same things that form the darkest fantasies of other parents.

He wonders what would become of his children if he died. He thinks about the pain his absence would cause. And he agonizes over the years of their growing up that he would miss.

For Estrada, though, such concerns are more than academic. Last year, the 29-year-old widower with two young children learned that he had been infected with the virus that causes AIDS.

For six months, he says, he spent much of his time in bed feeling sorry for himself. “I thought my life was over,” Estrada said. Then he joined a Long Beach support group that he credits with dramatically changing his attitude.

The group, called the Winners Circle, was organized last year for one of the least-recognized yet fastest-growing categories of people who have AIDS or have tested positive for the AIDS virus, namely heterosexuals.

“We were getting phone calls from people who wanted to go to a group but felt that most of them were focused on gay men,” said Nan Corby, a psychologist who is executive director of the Long Beach AIDS Network, a private nonprofit agency.

“We wanted to provide people with emotional support and an opportunity to vent.”

For Estrada, the group did just that.

“It got me out of bed,” he said. “I had been so wrapped up in self-pity that I was beside myself. I come here and I’m able to talk about this four-letter word that scares everybody to death.”

Although only about 1% of the city’s diagnosed AIDS patients are believed to have contracted the disease through heterosexual transmission, Corby said, the number of such cases is growing. “Some of (the new cases) are the sex partners of drug users,” she said. “Others are people who don’t protect themselves because they incorrectly believe that only homosexuals are at risk.”

Although statistics are not available on the rise in the number of heterosexual patients locally, Corby said, she estimates that there are at least 500 heterosexuals in Long Beach, including drug users, who have AIDS or have tested positive for HIV, the human immunodeficiency virus that causes the disease. Most of those who test positive will eventually get AIDS, researchers believe.

Nationally, Corby said, the percentage of AIDS patients who are heterosexual is even higher due to the greater number of IV drug users in major East Coast cities such as New York.

According to a recent report by the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, an increasing proportion of new AIDS cases are patients who are believed to have contracted the disease through heterosexual contact. The center said 2,957 new cases were reported nationally in 1990-91, an increase of 534 over the number of new cases during the previous year.

Since the Winners Circle started a year ago, Corby said, it has attracted about 50 people. Most, fearing disclosure, have attended only a session or two. About 70% of them have been men and 30% women, she said, with the group divided equally between singles and couples.

A core of about six people, including Estrada, attend the weekly meetings regularly, Corby said.

While there, they discuss issues ranging from pregnancy and parenting to dealing with public and family reactions to their illness. Some group members, Corby said, come hoping to meet AIDS-infected people of the opposite sex whom they can date. And for others the weekly gathering offers a rare opportunity to talk openly of their deepest fears and concerns.

“There’s a fair amount of emotion,” said Corby, who always provides a box of tissues for the tears that usually flow.

The emotion was definitely present at a recent gathering at the AIDS Network headquarters on 4th Street, which a reporter was allowed to attend.

A 47-year-old woman attending for the first time told of how, after 20 years of marriage, she got divorced and became romantically involved with a former drug user who later learned he had AIDS. Now he is dead and she is infected, but she refuses to give in to anger or despair.

“He was a wonderful man,” she told the others. “I don’t feel any anger, but it isn’t going to be an easy journey.”

Although she now works with AIDS patients in a hospice, the woman--who has not yet developed symptoms--said one of the biggest issues in her life is how to tell her parents and grown children that she carries the AIDS virus.

“It’s like we’re on two different levels--those who are infected and those who aren’t,” she said. “I’m praying for the day that I can tell people.”

Sitting across the table from her were a young couple who have disclosed their conditions to almost everyone who is important in their lives. But they still find the going rough. After marrying three years ago, they said in an interview, the husband, now 27, developed flu-like symptoms, lost 65 pounds in four months and began having trouble breathing. Eventually he went to a doctor who told him he had AIDS.

“It’s just a lot of bull when people say it’s a gay disease,” said the former college wrestler, who believes he contracted the virus from a blood transfusion following complications during a 1982 tonsillectomy. “It’s a day-to-day thing; one day I’m at work, the next day I’m in the hospital. It’s like having a 27-year-old’s mind in a 90-year-old’s body.”

Subsequent testing revealed that he had infected his 24-year-old wife. Although not yet exhibiting symptoms, she said she alternately worries about her own condition and that of her husband.

“I feel frustrated because I have tons of energy and (he) doesn’t,” she said. “I feel like I should appreciate how healthy I (still) am, but I feel bad about leaving him at home.”

Then there was Estrada, the only group member willing to allow his name to be used. In 1989 his wife of nine years died of a heart disorder. A year later he developed a sore throat that hung on for more than two months despite treatment by antibiotics. When a doctor suggested that he be tested for HIV, the results came back positive.

“I was very surprised,” said Estrada, who has not yet developed full-blown AIDS. “I always felt so safe.”

He believes that his infection came from one of three sources: mild experimentation in his youth with intravenous drugs; a series of sexual encounters during a 1986 separation from his wife; or a blood transfusion his wife had during her long illness that may have infected her and subsequently caused her to infect him.

Today Estrada often finds himself near tears. And he worries a lot about his children, ages 6 and 8, whom he has not yet informed of his condition.

“I think about all the things I might miss,” the young father told the group, his voice breaking. “It scares me. I watch (the children) sleep a lot and think about not being able to see their little faces. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t wonder what their lives might be like if I weren’t here.”

Attending the rap sessions has helped, most members say.

“It’s an outlet,” said the 47-year-old divorcee. “It’s a way of releasing these feelings. You have no idea what a burden it is carrying this around.”

Both the young husband and his wife said that being in the group had helped open up new channels of communication in their relationship. “I used to cry all day at work,” the wife said. “Now I can wait until (the group meets).”

And Estrada?

“We draw on each other’s strength,” he said. “This has gotten me back into being a part of life.”