Seeing Stars

You’ve schlepped your out-of-state houseguests to Disneyland, Universal Studios, the beach, museums and even braved the ear-splitting decibel level at the Hard Rock Cafe. But still they whine, “We wanna see celebrities!”

Easier whined than done. There is no Celebrity-o-Rama displaying stars. But make no mistake--they are here, and with some luck and a few tips there’s a better than average chance of spotting someone famous, or at the very least a former sitcom B-player now relegated to the game show circuit.

The city’s chi-chi, expensive restaurants tend to be the safest bets, but there’s always the danger you won’t be able to get a reservation, or will be seated so far from the “A” tables you’ll need a high-powered telescope to see anyone.

Of course, you may get lucky and bump into Elizabeth Taylor at the dry cleaners. If your visitors do spot a celeb, tell them not to jump up and down, scream, beg for an autograph and declare they are the star’s number one fans. Angelenos are extremely blase .

What follows is a list of places where the famous tend to hang out. Good luck, and may the movie star gods smile upon you.

1. Farmers Market

3rd and Fairfax

Los Angeles

(213) 933-9211

Maybe the attraction of this semi-open-air market, offering everything from knick-knacks to chocolates, is it’s even more retro than the nearby Canter’s deli. A wide spectrum of celebs are known to meander through the stalls, from John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeiffer to Mickey Rooney and Doris Day. The young crowd eats at Kokomos, the older ones are there to shop. The soap opera stars from CBS are there to grab lunch.

2. Beverly Center

La Cienega Blvd. at Beverly Blvd.

Los Angeles

(213) 854-0070.

Of all of L.A.’s enormous malls, the Beverly Center ranks as one of the city’s finest, with stores that stock the expensive, stylish clothes stars like. It attracts such actresses as Geena Davis, Bernadette Peters and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. Besides the shops, also check out the top floor Cineplex theaters (Phil Collins, David Hockney and Esther Williams have been spotted there) as well as the ground floor Irvine Ranch Farmer’s Market, an upscale grocery store stocking gourmet foods, which is where the rich and famous go when forced to do their own grocery shopping.

3. Sports Club L.A.

1835 Sepulveda Blvd.

West L.A.

(213) 473-1447.

This is the gym to end all gyms. It’s no wonder the Sports Club counts Magic Johnson, Rachel Hunter and George Hamilton among its members; there’s valet parking, restaurants and top-line exercise equipment, all enclosed in an enormous, pristine multi-floor complex. Admittance is by membership, and membership will run you a couple thou, so it’s best to cozy up to an existing member and get in that way.

4. Lakers and Kings games

The Forum

3900 West Manchester Blvd.

Inglewood

(213) 419-3100

There’s more than just Jack (Nicholson, babe) cheering on the Lakers. Also courtside in season are b-ball fanatics Glenn Frey, Dyan Cannon, Arsenio Hall, Steven Segal and director James L. Brooks. By the ice during the hockey season are a Canadian-heavy crowd including John Candy, Tony Danza, Michael J. Fox, Tom Hanks, Alan Thicke and James Woods.

5. The Roxbury

8225 Sunset Blvd.

West Hollywood

(213) 656-1750.

L.A.’s hottest nightclub of the moment and a favorite of young Hollywood. On any given night, the crowd will probably contain familiar faces from MTV or “The Arsenio Hall Show,” but they’ll be upstairs in the rarified air of the VIP room with Sly Stallone and Prince and Gerardo and a lot of other one-name stars. Dress to kill and you’ll get into the club, but forget about the VIP room unless you’re on The List.

6. Maurice’s Snack ‘n’ Chat

5549 W. Pico Blvd.

Los Angeles

(213) 931-3877.

A venerable hole-in-the-wall restaurant that attracts lots of pro athletes (especially the Lakers) and a good cross-section of African American actors. The salad-and-mineral-water set stays away in droves. How hip is this soul kitchen? It’s regularly parodied on “In Living Color” for its complete lack of attitude.

7. Hell’s Kitchen at the Improvisation

8162 Melrose Ave.

Los Angeles

(213) 651-2583

Now that every mildly successful stand-up comedian seems to have an eponymous sitcom in development, guests from the Midwest will probably recognize a good selection of the crowd in this informal restaurant located inside the Improv comedy club. You’ll undoubtedly see a few familiar “Tonight Show” faces as they scarf beer and pizza and talk to the pretty young things at the bar.

8. Pink’s

711 N. La Brea Ave.

Los Angeles

(213) 931-4223

Sure, it’s only a hot dog stand, but if you see a limo parked out front along with the motorcycles and El Caminos, you never know who might be stopping for a chili dog. The tiny eating area used to be heavy with framed photos of fans like Ed Asner. Go about midnight. Standing at the counter, wolfing a weenie, you’ll get a good look at L.A. night owls, from famous faces to club-goers.

9. Spago

1114 Horn Ave.

West Hollywood

(213) 652-4025.

Wolfgang Puck gave birth to more than the designer pizza here--he also created a legendary restaurant where such Hollywoodites as Michael Caine, Jackie Collins, Angie Dickinson and Goldie Hawn hang out. (This is also where the Academy Award show crowd hangs out before, during and after the ceremony) The back room is considered Siberia, but if you happen to get stuck there, frequent trips to the bathroom will allow you to sneak peeks at the stars.

10.Morton’s

8800 Melrose Ave.

West Hollywood

(213) 276-1253.

Morton’s is power dining in Los Angeles. Monday is the fabled evening when the city’s entertainment industry power brokers come to break bread. But none of them would be caught dead there on a Saturday night, when only those out of the loop go to dine. Steady customers include CAA chief Michael Ovitz, Bruce Springsteen, L.A. Kings owner Bruce McNall and Eddie Murphy.

The Rest of the Best 11. City

180 S. La Brea Ave.

Los Angeles

(213) 938-2155.

City chefs and owners Susan Feniger and Mary Sue Milliken are responsible for coming up with some of the city’s most innovative cuisine, and attracting a hip celebrity crowd along the way. The high-ceiling, spare restaurant has drawn Jodie Foster and Carol Kane, plus legions of the city’s trendy artists and designers. It’s a good guess that if someone is sitting near the back wearing his or her sunglasses throughout the meal, they’re someone.

12. The Olive

119 S. Fairfax Ave.

Los Angeles

(213) 939-2001.

This hot-hot bar/restaurant occupies a very unlikely space at the old Farmer’s Daughter hotel. Two of L.A.’s savvy veteran club owners have turned it into a too-trendy spot for the young Hollywood crowd, both execs and stars like Mickey Rourke and Katie Wagner. If you can’t get a dinner reservation (it’s very in-crowd), the bar is a great late-night hangout.

13. Le Dome

8720 Sunset Blvd.

Los Angeles

(213) 659-6919.

Lunch is the thing at Le Dome, where the record industry crowd likes to see and be seen, along with Hollywood agents and some studio heads. Among the regulars are Motown founder Berry Gordy, producer David Geffen and Sylvester Stallone (when he’s not next door at Nicky Blair’s). The best viewing is on the patio and left-hand corridor.

15. Small’s K.O.

5574 Melrose Ave.

Los Angeles

(213) 469-8258

Unless you knew where to find Small’s it’s likely you’d drive right by it. The small, dark, unmarked bar has a steady following among young Hollywood hipsters like Justine Bateman and Donovan Leitch and various rock musicians. There’s a doorman but no cover charge, and necessary accessories include tattoos and at least one body part that’s pierced.