Dream of Moving On Slowed by Lack of Good Tortilla Chips

Fifty ways to leave your lover. Or: Good hunting and fishing, some tolerance of rain and snow required.

Admit it, you love San Diego (or San Marcos or La Mesa or Cardiff or whatever), but recently you’ve been dreaming of stepping out.

You’ve been thinking of moving to the Pacific Northwest: fleeing our crowded freeways, high real estate prices, growth mania and teach-nothing schools.

If so, Tom Evons, a San Diego refugee who resettled to Bend, Ore., has something for you: Northwest Relocation News, a quarterly 20-page tabloid he publishes about life in the Beaver, Evergreen and Gem states.

First, he wants you to know that, while the Don’t-Californicate-Oregon (or Washington or Idaho) movement is real, it’s been over-hyped by the media (damn media).

“When I first moved here, I kept the California plates on one of my cars,” Evons said. “I never once had anybody shoot the finger at me, give me dirty looks or show animosity at all.”

There was a woman who called Evons to bawl him out after reading about his efforts in a local newspaper. But she turned out to be a recovering Californian herself.

Evons prints 10,000 copies of Northwest Relocation News (P.O. Box 324, 800-535-8853): half mailed to out-of-staters, half left at visitor centers.

Relocation News provides information about the stuff of life: real estate, jobs, recreation, the availability of bluegrass music, etc. As well as testimonials from new arrivals, viz: “Why I Live in Medford.”

Evons, 46, was a real estate appraiser in San Diego before making his move to Bend a year ago. He advises other immigrants to be prepared for a slower pace, some chilly winter weather and a tight job market.

And some things just aren’t available in the Big Greenbelt: decent Mexican food, for example.

For a dinner party, Evons had to ask his mother-in-law in San Diego to Federal Express him some tortilla chips from El Indio restaurant.

There’s your choice: clean air and babbling brooks, or homemade tortilla chips.

I think I’ll stay put.

Going Buggy

Bugs and bureaucracy.

When Michael Running, who heads the district attorney’s El Cajon branch, discovered ants in his office, he looked around for a can of Raid or Bug-Begone.

Finding none, he contacted building maintenance.

Sorry, bugs are not our business. You need a “pest control authorization” from the Department of Agriculture.

So Running called county ag. Soon he got a two-page pre-authorization questionnaire, telling him he would have to:

Notify all staff members 24 hours in advance, advise all people with health problems to check with their doctors, post a notice of intent to use pesticides, and ensure that all information is received by “anyone who will enter or is likely to enter the facility.”

Since Running’s office is in the El Cajon county building that includes several county offices and the jail, that could have meant notifying thousands of people.

After two days of pondering, Running got a break: the ants mysteriously disappeared.

Maybe out of sympathy.

Dress for Success

Seeing is believing.

* Here comes the (assistant) chief.

For six weeks, Norm Stamper, assistant chief of the San Diego Police Department, has been riding with the beat cops as the new head of field operations.

Whomever he rides with gets a say in what Stamper will wear: casual, jacket and tie, full uniform, or uniform with chief’s stars.

So far, most cops have asked for the full dressing, which Stamper attributes to them wanting “to show off their chief.”

* A new jury pool in Vista was being instructed on mileage reimbursement rules when a juror belatedly entered the room.

His mode of transportation left officials stumped about how to reimburse him: He arrived at the courthouse on his skateboard.

* Wedding bell blues.

Bulletin board ad spotted by Jim Held at the Longs pharmacy in Del Mar Heights:

“WEDDING GOWN. Size 10, unaltered, with veil, never worn , $300.”