The exterminator tells us that we have...

The exterminator tells us that we have big trouble on our hands. “No termites,” he says, coming out of our garage in the back yard. “But the animals around here are using this place as a party room.”

We look down at our leg. No one’s pulling it.

“Don’t believe me?” he says. “Look here.”

He leads us inside.

“Cricket tracks, raccoon fingerprints all over these candy bar wrappers. And who do you think set up these tiny benches?”

He’s pointing at the Popsicle sticks situated across matchbook boxes. Dozens of them laid out in an arena configuration.

Our nose can’t get enough of a pleasant, woodsy smell.

“That’s skunk,” he says.

Skunk, we remind him, smells like burning rubber tires.

“Not when they’re with friends,” he says. “The animals are having a ball in here. Whacked out on sugar, dancing into the wee hours.

“I’ve seen this before,” he adds, looking us dead in the eye. “Today the garage, tomorrow your breakfast nook.”

That night, not a cricket is cricketing. The bat family that lives in the old oak tree is nowhere to be seen. And the skunks are late for their appointed rounds.

We tell the Formidable Companion to stay inside. This could be something right out of Hitchcock.

“Take the fly-swatter,” she says.

The garage scene is this: Crickets, bats, skunks and raccoons are joined by neighborhood cats and dogs. There’s snakes and bugs and spiders, and even a lone coyote. Birds, too, clearly out past their bedtime.

And everyone-- everything-- is dancing and carrying on like in some crazy Orwellian nightclub.

After all, it’s not as if they could kick up their heels by simply turning out for the international folk dance party being held from 1:30 to 5:30 p.m. Sunday at Veterans Memorial Auditorium in Culver City.

On the other hand, why not? Admission is free. And no one said anything about a dress code. Call (213) 277-6699.

Not that this is a shabby crowd. The only thing missing is vintage jewelry, the kind that Santa Monica College is offering a four-session course on.

“Vintage Jewelry: How to Spot It, How to Fix It” will meet from 1 to 4 p.m. Saturdays. The fee is $54. Call (213) 425-3473.

But Sunday’s sixth annual kitchen design tour is definitely out of the question for them, although we do recognize some ants jitterbugging across the garage floor who have seen every inch of our kitchen.

The tour, sponsored by the Jewish Family Service of Santa Monica, begins at 10:30 a.m. Sunday. Reservations are required. Tickets are $45. Call (213) 451-9196.

Comes the dawn, and we drag ourself into bed.

“Some party,” the Formidable Companion says.

We tell her what the coyote told us: “We get wild and have a blast.”