MUSIC THE ZEROS : Countdown Band : Group that reflects four different personalities finally signs a record deal.

That nerd with the bow tie, the most boring teacher in the Western Hemisphere, he was right, you know. You can’t get away from math, even if you drop out and lay on the couch until dad yells so much your ears fall off and you can no longer hear MTV.

“4-3-2-1” is how to count backward and still the best route to Zeros, which also happens to be the name of a musical group. And not the group that used to be “the greatest unsigned band in L.A.”--not since the band’s long-awaited recent debut on Restless Records.

The Zeros seem to be the soundtrack for “The Color Purple,” only louder. Much louder and much faster. The quartet has purple hair, ratted so high it looks as though their heads blew up.

Oftentimes, fans with purple hair get into shows at a cheap rate. The band drives the Zeromobile--guess what color it is?

Besides being funny-looking, the Zeros have funny names. There’s Sammy Serious on vocals, Joe Normal on lead guitar, Danny Dangerous on bass and the one and only Mr. Insane on drums.

Except for that stuff, they’re just like the other million people from New Jersey who moved to California. You remember New Jersey, don’t you? It’s the place that has license plates almost like ours, probably so the drivers can pass for locals until they can get to the DMV.

Zeros’ music is sort of cartoon-like; imagine the Ramones meet Jellyfish at a steroids convention on Sesame Street. It does feature some pretty spiffy three-part harmonies. The songs are pretty funny too--”Death Rock Girl,” “Rich Chicks” and “Zero To Mom.”

The band will play the Carnaval Club in Santa Barbara tonight. It’ll be the place with the purple-clad people lined up outside, those hard-core Zeros’ fans, the Zeromongers. But for everything you ever needed to know about the group, let’s ask Sammy Serious, who pretty much lived up to his name.

A comedian I know, Doug Ferrari, once said, “If you can’t laugh at it, it’s not worth taking seriously.” So what’s so serious?

Well, sure. It reflects our music. Each guy has his own name and it just reflects what we do. Some are Serious, some are Dangerous, some are Normal and some are Insane.

How’s the album doing?

The album just came out on Aug. 30. So far, it’s doing real good--we’re getting a lot of feedback. It’s actually our first album; we released a self-financed EP in 1985.

There have been rumors for years about your band getting signed. How do you almost get signed?

Two years ago we had a deal with Pasha Records, which was distributed through CBS. Anyway, we made the album and Pasha lost their distribution deal. We took the tape and shopped it around and finally ended up with Restless. When we did the album we just did it for fun, and the Zeros just evolved into so much more. That tape is totally different than the new album, although a few of those songs are on the new one.

Are the Zeros “the hardest working band in Hollywood?”

I believe we are, even though we play out of town a lot now. There’s a lot of business now--we play from San Diego to San Francisco. We played at the Carnaval Club about a year ago and it was really good. There were a lot of college kids there plus a couple of people followed us on that three-day tour.

Who’s cuter, you guys, the Ultras or the Bangles?

The Bangles are, you know.

Describe Zeros’ music.

Variety. Just basic all-around fun. There are different avenues we take, some serious, some normal, some dangerous, some insane. We have quite a few songs, and we do a couple of covers, such as “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.”

How did the band get started?

We started in New Jersey in 1982, then came to California a few years later as the Double-0 Zeros. We all have the same goal, which is to make good music. We have all been big fans of good stuff--anything from the Sex Pistols to the Beatles to “The Sound of Music.”

What’s a Zeromonger?

A Zeromonger is six steps up from a Zeros’ fan. They’re better than a No. 1 fan and we have a lot of them.

What about the name?

That’s what we are, Zeros. We named the band after what we are; it’s what we stand for. It’s more than a name.

What’s the best and worst thing about your job?

The best thing is being a Zero. We just do what we do--we’re Zeros for life. The worst thing is washing the Zeromobile. It’s a 1968 Chrysler Nomad station wagon. I basically do the driving. I get my share of being stopped by the cops. We never had a cop not give us a ticket because we were the Zeros. The Zeromobile is pretty well known around our area.

What’s next for the Zeros?

We’re going to be doing a 30-city tour beginning in November. It’s just going to be a big-city thing.

How ‘bout those Dodgers?

I want to go to a Dodger game as soon as possible, although I used to like the Mets and the Yankees.

Are they still in the league?

* WHERE AND WHEN

The Zeros tonight at the Carnaval Club, 634 State St., Santa Barbara, $5, or a five and two zeros. 965-8422.