A Short Lesson in Skirts, Fitness--and Proper Social Behavior

Here’s my dirty little secret: I watch “Studs.” Yes, yes, I know, the concept is horrifying and what is said is thoroughly repugnant. Which is exactly why I’m riveted. (In another life, I was probably a hot dog vendor at public executions.)

About a month ago, a young woman on “Studs” ruled out one stud wanna-be because he failed her first-date test. When pressed, it was revealed that her test consisted of sexually attacking a guy on their first date. If he responded in kind, he failed and was pushed away. If he recoiled, he passed with flying colors and would be allowed to date again.

Howard Rosenberg, she was asking for it.

Not Teri Garr in a short, short dress.

Not Jamie Lee Curtis in micro-mini.

Not the TV interviewer exposing ample thigh (Calendar, Oct. 10).

Not any woman who doesn’t literally, specifically “ask for it.”

I empathize with Rosenberg. He’s not a chauvinist or a muddled thinker. What he’s doing is what many men are, admirably, trying to do: catch up, learn the new rules, understand how women’s views of themselves are evolving.

And I’ve got news for you: We women are catching up too.

Because the fact is women in the workplace don’t want to be seen as androgynous. We just did that in an effort to be taken seriously, not sexually. Do you think we like to be choked with ties any more than you do?

And yes, short skirts are provocative (although as an old friend and co-worker of Jamie Lee Curtis, I can tell you that on her, a two-gallon Hefty lawn and leaf bag would be provocative).

But maybe the women who dress to show themselves off are proud of how they look, proud of the discipline that honed their figures, proud that others find them attractive or even sexy.

But looking sexy is not looking for harassment. And I’m afraid there are some men out there who are going to have to learn that they have no right to verbalize their sexual feelings whenever said feeling pop into their heads.

As children, we’re taught not to point out or taunt “fatties” or “four-eyes,” and that lesson seems to have stuck. So why is this lesson so confounding?

Every woman--every human --loves a compliment. But a man who can’t admire without being demeaning? I don’t think we need to fly to Vienna to analyze the root of this problem.

It seems that men in Los Angeles are drawn to gyms and health clubs like lemmings to the sea. Now the gym-aholics I know aren’t stevedores; they don’t need all those muscles. Most don’t even open their own mail. They want to stay healthy, they want to enhance their physiques, they want to look more attractive and sexy. So far, so good, right?

And when they wear pec-hugging polo shirts or biceps-hugging T-shirts, it’s because they’re justifiably proud of their hard work. Still with me?

So what happens if some Mike Tyson-sized hulk misconstrues our gym-goer’s muscles? What if he thinks that the only reason a man would wear his strength under his sleeve was because he was asking for a fight? Does he have a right to punch Mr. Gym Bag’s lights out? Or to even threaten him with his fist?

No, that man would be labeled irrational, insecure and crazy, as bullies invariably are.

A bully is a bully is a bully.