CHARGER REVIEW : REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Return of F Troop

A: QUARTERBACKS

Until now an inexperienced John Friesz has been Dan Henning’s excuse for the Chargers’ inability to win. Too bad he’s not ready to start calling his own plays.

F: RUNNING BACKS

Rams make Marion Butts look like Marty Hurney, the team’s downtrodden staff assistant, and that’s not a pretty sight. Ronnie Harmon makes Henning look dumb and that’s not so.

B: RECEIVERS

Heart attack alert: Mike Pagliarulo emerges as hero on same weekend that Anthony Miller catches more passes than he drops. Warm up the ball machine: Here comes Nate Lewis.

F: OFFENSIVE LINE

The Blue Jays had their rally rags, the Chargers have their sloppy slugs. Both come out losers. Arthur Cox misses game and Chargers lose running attack. Cox for MVP?

F: DEFENSIVE LINE

What kind of a guy lines up offsides--twice? The kind of guy you might expect to see on this new TV show, “Studs,” only in this case, it’s Burt Grossman.

F: LINEBACKERS

Jim Everett offered $500 to whomever caught his first touchdown. Jim Price gets rich; he draws linebacker coverage. Missing person report has been filed on Leslie O’Neal.

F: DEFENSIVE BACKS

Safety Stanley Richard and disc jockey Erin Garrett now have something in common: Both got their butts tattooed this week.

F: SPECIAL TEAMS

Botched kickoff returns leave team in shambles. Chargers can only hope that satellite transmission to Alex Spanos in Greece went fuzzy at appropriate times.

F: COACHING

After this one, Clarence Thomas has a better chance of becoming president of the National Organization of Women than Dan Henning has of remaining coach of Chargers.