Amanda’s Death

This is a letter of condolence to Amanda Gaeke’s mother, whose grief I cannot but imagine. As well, it is a letter of condolence for all the children, of this city and others, for the death of their innocence, their birthright to experience the world without all-pervasive fears of child killers, gang violence, pedophiles, drive-by shootings.

How do we measure our children’s loss of basic trust in humankind, the type of underlying trust that fosters spontaneity, creativity, joie de vivre ?

In its place, violence against our children leaves the emotional legacy of paranoia, mistrust, an unnatural wariness and suspicion unbefitting their tender years.

My initial, intellectual response as a mother whose own school-age daughter awaits the school bus each morning a block from where Amanda’s body was recovered is to run, take my children and flee to safety (however I might define it in these uncertain times).

How do I explain to my 10-year-old the paradox of staying open and receptive to life, while not forgetting to keep looking over your shoulder; to be responsive to fellow human beings, but only if they possess a certain minimum degree of trustworthiness, apparent harmlessness. I, at 41, am still learning that sophisticated level of discrimination--how can I expect it of a youngster? The price for error, on one side, can be fatal (ask Amanda’s mother). And yet the price to be paid for erring on the side of safety is conveying a sense of mistrust, fear and potentially a lack of basic regard and recognition for others.

Do I take my family and flee, or do I stay put, refusing to give up ground to the child killers and thieves, hoping, meanwhile, that they won’t rob me of mine?

These are questions I wrestle with, while my heart goes out to Amanda’s family, schoolmates and friends.

DIANE HYDE, San Diego