COMEDY : Jack Gallagher’s Tales From the Middle Ages

He hasn’t even reached the “Big Four-O” yet, but comedian Jack Gallagher is already grappling with encroaching middle age.

“Men reach their sexual peak at 19,” he says. “I’m 38. You know what that means? That means that naps are just about as important as sex at this point. I’m not saying I don’t like sex. It’s just that when naps and sex are presented in the same sentence, it can be a tough call to make.”

That’s not the only sign of middle age the prematurely graying comic has observed.

As the years pass, he has found “you don’t get right out of bed. You just sit on the side of the bed for a minute trying to get yourself together. You’re totally exhausted . . . from sleeping! . . . . Yeah, that lying in one spot for eight hours will really wear you out.”

Gallagher, who is headlining at the Irvine Improv through Sunday, is a relaxed stage presence with a wry sense of humor, a sharp eye for detail and a knack for making observations that hit close to home. Usually his own.

“I’m just a monologuist (who talks about) everyday kind of stuff,” he said in an interview, adding that “I don’t really tell jokes; I tell stories. They’re things that happen to everybody else. People have said to me, ‘Geez, you don’t seem like the standard comic.’ They say I seem like a normal next-door neighbor kind of guy who just has these kinds of things happen to him.”

A former teacher--he taught dyslexic children for five years--the ex-Bostonian held nearly three dozen jobs before turning to comedy 10 years ago. He has since appeared on “The Tonight Show,” “Comic Strip Live” and “The Arsenio Hall Show.”

Gallagher says he prefers to tap his own life for material. And, lucky for him, more comedy fodder arrived three weeks ago: a baby boy named Declan.

Says the proud new father: “When my wife was pregnant, people would say, ‘What do you want, a little boy?’ . . . ‘What do you want, a little girl?’ Everything was prefaced by ‘little.’ I said, ‘No, we want a 45-year-old plumber named Russ. Yeah, we want a 250-pound guy with a Thermos and a hard hat.’ ”

Fatherhood, married life and middle age aren’t the only subjects the comic taps for his act. Here’s Gallagher on a few other favorite topics:

- Sports: “I’m like a lot of Americans. I’m way too lazy to do something myself, so I just associate myself with a sports team. Don’t you love this?: You see 50,000 people-- ‘Whooo!!! We’re No. 1!!!’ Well, they’re No. 1; you didn’t really do anything. You bought a T-shirt. . . . Basically, that’s what you did.”

- The laziness of Americans: “The most glaring indication of how slothful we’ve become (is) cruise control in your car. Think of this: Cruise control in your car! You’re already in the car. You didn’t have to walk any more. Your big butt is already on the seat. Now it’s too much trouble to push down the pedal with your foot.” (Sitting on a stool on stage, he extends his leg and pumps his foot up and down, saying: “This has become too much of a hassle for us: ‘Oh, help me. I’m cramping up.’ “

- Camping: “I think camping is a waste of time. Do you know why I think camping is a waste of time? I have a house. Why do I want to pretend I don’t have a house? . . . . My wife says it’s a nice vacation. . . . A nice vacation is taking a shower: Using all the towels they’ve given you for one shower and then flinging them around the room. That’s a nice vacation.”

- A great camping idea: “This is true: Some guy invented what is being considered a huge advancement in camping technique. Some guy has invented a portable blow-up toilet for camping. A portable blow-up toilet. . . . Yeah, I’m blowing that thing up once. . . . I’m pretty sure on the second camping trip that that can be somebody else’s job. I’ll be saying, ‘I’ll get some water, I’ll cut down a tree, I’ll make a fire, I’ll kill a bear, I’ll make dinner, I’ll pitch the tent . . . Why don’t you, uh, . . . blow up the toilet?’ ”

Who: Jack Gallagher.

When: Thursday, Nov. 7, and Sunday, Nov. 10, at 8:30 p.m.; Friday, Nov. 8, at 8:30 and 10:30 p.m.; Saturday, Nov. 9, at 8 and 10:30 p.m.

Where: The Improv, 4255 Campus Drive, Irvine.

Whereabouts: In the Irvine Marketplace shopping center, across Campus Drive from the UC Irvine campus.

Wherewithal: $7 to $10.

Where to Call: (714) 854-5455.