CLOSE-UP

“Right here, Joe baby, fix it up,” says James Haake, as he picks up a tub of Joe Blasco makeup. We’re backstage at La Cage Aux Folles, that kink-pink landmark on La Cienega Boulevard inhabited by the best-dressed women in town. Only they’re men. Haake, a grandfather in his 60s with gams so great the club’s previous owner had them insured for $1 million, has headlined and emceed the nightly show since the place opened 10 years ago. He’s watched the scene change: With the exception of old favorites like Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland, the current Folles lineup is MTV icons--Whitney Houston, Grace Jones, Madonna. “The word is extreme ,” says Haake.

Haake’s is a rags-to-sequins story. He was born in New Jersey, and by the time he was 25, he had married, divorced, gotten a master’s degree in medieval literature and come out of the closet. Then he went on to earn his nickname, Gypsy, dancing in the chorus lines of Broadway. Twenty-five years later, he decided to “retire” in Los Angeles, where he got a job as maid to Sidney J. Sheinberg, president of MCA. One night, Gypsy bumped into a choreographer he knew from New York who asked him to sing a few songs at the new La Cage’s piano bar. “I get here and the lounge is packed,” Haake remembers. “The Sheinbergs came with everybody --the Wassermans, Vivian Blaine, Lana Turner. Then there was some difficulty with the star and the owner asked if I could go on and cover. I’ve been doing it ever since.”

Two years later, a woman in the audience asked whether he could act; he ended up in Mel Brooks’ “To Be or Not To Be”--a role that opened the door to more film and TV work. Sound like a fairy tale?

“Listen, guys,” says Gypsy as he opens the show, “I used to be you. And when I was you, I never thought this would be me. So take some notes, because next week . . . this could be you up here.”