Unabashed Office Bash : Having Fun at the Party While Keeping Your Job

They were supposed to be inside the office at a Christmas party--decking the halls with boughs of holly.

Instead, they had stepped outside the office, and were decking each other.

Seems the manager in the pink chiffon dress had accused an employee of goofing off all year, and push had finally come to shove at the Christmas shindig.

“It started out as a pleasant ‘Hello, how are you doing?’ and ended up as ‘Let’s step outside,’ ” said Michelle Manire, an Orange County hotel manager who witnessed the dispute. “One (woman) was a lot bigger. . . . The little skinny one was up against the wall.”

‘Tis the season for the office party, a workplace tradition that is supposed to bring employees together but sometimes ends up traumatizing them instead. Office parties, it seems, often bring out the worst in people: excessive drinking, shameless social climbing, back-biting gossip, and the proverbial manager chasing the secretary around the office copier.

“I’ve seen young girls throwing up on their party dresses; the office manager making a pass; a young executive telling a senior executive that the company is going to hell,” said Letitia Baldrige, author of the “Complete Guide to Executive Manners.” “It’s a situation fraught with danger.”

This year could be more dangerous than usual: Despite the sluggish economy, more companies are planning holiday bashes this year than last.

A survey by the National Institute of Business Management, a business advisory service, found that 83% of companies plan to sponsor holiday parties in 1991, up from 72% last year. Most of the companies said they planned parties “to express their gratitude to workers who played as a team in difficult times,” the business group reported.

Experts say some types of office-party behavior may come under closer scrutiny this year because of all the attention given the issue of sexual harassment during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court confirmation hearings.

“I think people are going to tread a little more lightly,” said Laura Martin, a sales representative for Orange Coast magazine in Costa Mesa.

Occupational psychologists and etiquette experts say the office party is often doomed from the start, especially when people hold the unrealistic view of the company as a big, happy family, despite years of contrary evidence.

“Many people persist in the notion that office parties spread goodwill among co-workers,” writes Judith Martin in her book, “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.” “The fraudulent attempt to pass off people of different ranks and degrees of power as a bunch of jolly equals can only lead to trouble.”

The trick to a successful gathering, some advise, is to go beyond the traditional boring bash of eggnog and business banter, yet keeping within the limits of good taste. Problems often occur when someone decides to add too much spice to the party.

“There is a fine line between having a good party where people are relaxed without someone doing something silly they’ll regret,” said Barbara Gutek, a psychologist and professor of management and policy at the University of Arizona.

James R. Kruse, an Anaheim real estate broker, recalls an office party he attended that backfired when the company decided to hold a men-only gathering before the official festivities began.

Contrary to instructions, some of the male employees brought their wives and girlfriends, some of whom weren’t too happy when they were greeted by scantily clad female elves.

“All of these Santa elves-type girls are running around with no clothes on,” Kruse recalled. “I can’t tell you how many slapped faces there were that night.”

Office parties seem to bring out the craziness even in the shy types. Men and women who behave themselves 9 to 5 can sometimes turn into partying fools.

Bonnie Beaux, a Costa Mesa stand-up comedian who performs at office parties as “Rudolph the Unemployed Reindeer,” remembers the time a strait-laced executive had too much to drink and “dropped his pants and mooned people.”

Though alcohol can lower one’s inhibitions, psychologists say, the party atmosphere--a hotel ballroom, soft lighting and sexy clothing--is often the biggest source of trouble. The atmosphere makes people behave far from the way that they conduct themselves at work. And things one would never say during the regular workday suddenly spew out.

At one Orange County law firm a few years back, a female lawyer confessed to a married colleague that she had long fancied him. She thought better of it the next morning and sent him half a dozen roses with the message: “Just kidding.”

“It was kind of cute,” said Neal Millard, a former lawyer at the firm.

Some people aren’t quite as fortunate. Careers can be derailed or even destroyed because of a loose tongue at the office party.

Frank Groff, a Long Beach public relations agent, watched in disbelief last year as an employee sassed the chief executive. The annual holiday party had fizzled out and employees were taking down the decorations and dismantling a stage.

The company’s president asked the employee, who had had too much to drink, to help put away some stereo speakers.

“Do it yourself,” was the response.

“He didn’t work there on Monday,” Groff added.

Experts advise party-goers to remember two rules: Don’t stay too long and remember that your boss is always your boss.

“You are never really going to be eyeball-to-eyeball with someone who is 16 ranks higher in the hierarchy than you are, and you may not want to change that relationship because you have to go to work the next day,” said Dan Pittman, vice president of a Costa Mesa advertising firm.

Another mistake that employees sometimes make is to view the office party as an opportunity to climb the corporate ladder.

The December issue of Working Woman magazine features an article entitled “Work the Office Party Like a Pro.” Readers are told to “decide which people you want to talk to at the party and read over the company newsletters and memos beforehand for insights into their interests. Perhaps the chief financial officer just won her first sailing regatta. Keep a mental file for conversational icebreakers and fillers.”

Bah, humbug, says Baldrige.

“If someone in the company has won a trophy, scaled a mountain or saved someone from a burning house, of course you would use that in conversation. But don’t approach the office party as a chance to make a big coup for one’s self,” she warns. “That’s a disaster.”

Women should be especially leery of the holiday party because it often is a time when the office lecher will make an unwelcome advance. Male supervisors may try to use their high-ranking status to intimidate an employee. Of course, with more women going into management, the situation can also be reversed.

“When the males are superior, which they are usually are, and females are subordinate, which they usually are, that situation is ripe for exploitation,” said Brady Wilson, a Scottsdale, Ariz., psychologist specializing in workplace issues.

Companies can minimize the possibilities for sexual harassment by inviting spouses, children or friends of employees.

“People are more circumspect when they have their significant others with them,” says Gloria Zigner, an Orange County publicist.

Of course, word that a spouse or children are coming to the company bash can cause the heebie-jeebies among employees carrying on an office affair.

Beaux, the Costa Mesa comic, says she hears about extramarital affairs at most office parties and has noticed that the participants usually “seat themselves on opposites sides of the room so it’s not real uncomfortable.”

If all this makes you want to stay home and fill your boss’s Christmas stocking with ashes, think again. Not going to the party could be the biggest faux pas of all because your boss may think that you’re not a team player, according to etiquette experts.

Despite all these problems, the office party is still popular among companies as a way to boost morale. And many employees like them because the workplace has become a major resource for finding friends and lovers.

“People’s primary social relationships have moved from community--like neighbors and church members--to work,” Wilson. “Now, rather than knowing your neighbors and no one at work, people don’t know their neighbors and everyone at work. The office party is an effort--perhaps a mistaken one--to create an atmosphere that is like family.”

Do’s and Don’ts for the Holiday Office Party

Do:

Be there “Not going is definitely a statement,” says Frank Groff, a Long Beach publicist. “You’re showing you’re not one of the team.”

Make sure the top dogs attend

“I’ve seen many office parties where senior management doesn’t show up or they come for two minutes and then they split,” says Letitia Baldrige. “That really hurts the employees.”

Invite spouses and significant others (if the company permits it)

“A family party is always best,” Baldrige says.

Don’t:

Call it a Christmas party

“You can call it an end-of-year party,” says Barbara Gutek, a university business professor. “Most of the Christmas parties don’t have much to do with religious celebration.”

Do business by the punch bowl

“People resent it,” Gutek says. “If you want to do that, do it on work hours.”

Declare your love to a co-worker

“Maybe that is why they used to have masked balls--you could profess undying love for someone without having to face them the next day,” Gutek says.